poetry critical

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I finally saw...
   seasons in the leaves
   beauty in the songbird
   fertility in the soil
   imagination in the clouds
   mystery in the stars
   peace in the night
   power in the sea
   comfort in the wine
   promise in the sunset
   need in your eyes
I finally saw the colors

14 Jan 08

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nice finish
 — unknown

 — afterbirth

i would take out "I finally saw" in the last line, so that the whole thing would be one thought. Does that make sense?

Loves it
 — tiedtoes