|A Worded Math Problem
She is a worded math problem,
a complex set
of algebraic equations.
Don't be distracted
by her voluptuous data
in long-winded clauses.
Go ahead, simplify
her complex polynomials,
break her down like a puzzle.
Plot on paper
what you found-
your points of tangency.
30 Jan 08
Rated 7 (8.4) by 3 users.
Active (3): 4, 7, 10
Inactive (6): 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10
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Clever and almost very good. Line 12 jars for me - I like the concept but the flow of the poetry is a little off here.
An alternative ending to replace "your points of tangency".
I preferred the IDEA of tangency - a point where you coincide sort of thing. The graph of her curves is good but loses that subtlety of meaning.
That was me.
instead of 'graph' i would go with "symmetry"...
smugzy is probably right though.
great concept, mostly well done
maybe simplify title to just Math Problem
what is the actual intuitive function in your writing of this poem of the word "the" in line nine? is it a doubling of the image or simply a conversational convenience because you think the reader won't "get it"?
Thanks guys, I thought so too in retrospect. The revision is way explicit and cheesy. I might reconsider the phrasing of the original line.
this is really nice. an unusual visual for such a romantic poem. I like this
Thank you for the feedback, guys. I reverted back to the original last line from "graph of her curves". But, kept the changes in L10-L11.
I would cut the 'your' from L12...
i like this.
DFL, if I take out 'your' the alliteration of p's would be heavily pronounced. I guess that's OK.
:) brilliant; and lovely ending.
I think this might be clever but I was crap at maths.
Larry 1 plus 1 makes 3 Lark
Thanks, nisetru, Larry, poetbill, DFL, and Estrella.
I think you have done well in choosing the subject matter.
I'd dish the "and" line 9.
I'd also work on trying to sound less (for lack of a better
word) cute and more convincing. Possibly something
along the lines of what she adds up to minus something
else. Something more defining than abstract statements.
Take it, or throw it away that's my take.
One more thing. It's not a very good idea
in most casses to start your poem out
using the title as your first line. I would
try to find a new title because the line
works well in inviting your readers into
OK. Let me come back to this piece one more time to improve it some more.
fave lines: 4-5
Did some more tweaking.
You are an obnoxious idiot with an Internet connection.
I have always found it to be humorous when a
dysfunctional wannabe intellectual decides poetry
mightbetheanswer to their nighmares.
Because you have some limited command of language
doesn't insure you can bullshit your poems to some
self invented heaven.
Truthfully, you miss the whole point of poety.
All your prefaces and explanations; better yet, your
penchant for tangients, can't hide what is evident.
Dressed words and indentions do not make a poem
Back up and punt, or don't.
It's fine by me that you continue to think this is your
ballpark. Slobber all over the screen and I'll see you
at the bookstore.
There really is a bottom line to everything.
Your poetry is dead. It sucks.
Deal with it, or for once listen and try to make it better.
You'll be here forever trying to prove a useless point wth
your undersized penis in you ear.
You aren't really hard to figure out.
I am unknown. I am Joey. I claim I am never unknown
though the IP addresses say I am Unknown.
You are frail pretentious and desperate.
Every line your write wants to be a new poem.
There is nothing worth keeping because you
think there is.
You are in the way of your own poetry.
Don't take it personally there are thousands
just like you barking at their ego doors.
Andy, so much aggression in there for a 12-line poem. Is that far easier to do than showing how the piece can improve?
I thought "points of tangency" was actually descriptive from a geometric perspective. For those who have math in their high school days, I trust they are familiar with the worded math problem, and the complexity of algebraic equations, and polynomials. I was counting that there would be an image in the mind.
So, where is the fuzz coming from, man?
wow, if there was any doubt that andy has "issue" they have evaporated...get some new meds!
If andy really has a medical problem, he needs both understanding and medz.
Her unknowns complete me -- in the future she is becoming -- when converged in time and space matters she is unbounded by an infinite series where a serious infinity brings Now and Here together as NowHere -- she is a Poet like a sphere with her centre everywhere and her circumference nowhere -- I like her