poetry critical

online poetry workshop

You Took Me

Textures on my tongue
Rolling around on the floor
I love the way you feel…
The universe rises
In your eyes
I see you as you really are…
Short-winded and ablaze
Flesh against flesh
Nothing can stop us…
And when we calm down
I close my eyes
To remember where you took me…

14 Jan 04

Rated 7 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (6): 4, 4, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(47 more poems by this author)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


it is a nice thought but it seems to 'jump' a little, work on the transition from one verse to the next. plus could you figure a way of saying ".....you took me to heaven" with out actually saying it?
 — kimado

Very cliched thoughts but I like the way you put them together in a breathless sort of way.
 — Isabelle5

Don't mind Isabelle, EVERYTHING is cliche to her.. *rolls eyes* I like it a lot.. *kills dan*

I'll always be here for you, My wonderful Maid :)
 — P0lyG3n3

I really like this, fuck cliche...this is awesome.
 — unknown

I love this poem! Get it published RIGHT NOW!
 — unknown

By far, your best adrielle. Nice job. -Heather
 — unknown

 — Adrielle

pretty grand. :)
 — stainedsteal

very nice... i liked this one best out of the ones i've read so far... but i'm not done yet. the images were beautiful, powerful, moving... i don't know if that's just because i know exactly how it feels or because you just did that good of a job. i don't think it's cliche at all, contrary to the other people here.... i thought it was powerful. stirring in everyday lanuguage... exactly like what i'm studying in romantic lit.

 — unknown

take out the elipses, those don't work with this poem.  it's got very abrupt stanzas, which if i were you, i'd elaborate.
 — sassybnyss

thees ees beeyoooteeefoooool
 — unknown

i mean it ^
 — syzygy