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You Took Me
Adrielle

Textures on my tongue
 1
Rolling around on the floor
 2
I love the way you feel…
 3
Inside
 4
 
 
The universe rises
 5
In your eyes
 6
I see you as you really are…
 7
Beautiful
 8
 
 
Short-winded and ablaze
 9
Flesh against flesh
 10
Nothing can stop us…
 11
Immortal
 12
 
 
And when we calm down
 13
I close my eyes
 14
To remember where you took me…
 15
Heaven
 16

14 Jan 04

Rated 7 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (6): 4, 4, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10

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(47 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

it is a nice thought but it seems to 'jump' a little, work on the transition from one verse to the next. plus could you figure a way of saying ".....you took me to heaven" with out actually saying it?
 — kimado

Very cliched thoughts but I like the way you put them together in a breathless sort of way.
 — Isabelle5

Don't mind Isabelle, EVERYTHING is cliche to her.. *rolls eyes* I like it a lot.. *kills dan*

I'll always be here for you, My wonderful Maid :)
 — P0lyG3n3

I really like this, fuck cliche...this is awesome.
 — unknown

I love this poem! Get it published RIGHT NOW!
 — unknown

By far, your best adrielle. Nice job. -Heather
 — unknown

yummy?
 — Adrielle

pretty grand. :)
 — stainedsteal

very nice... i liked this one best out of the ones i've read so far... but i'm not done yet. the images were beautiful, powerful, moving... i don't know if that's just because i know exactly how it feels or because you just did that good of a job. i don't think it's cliche at all, contrary to the other people here.... i thought it was powerful. stirring in everyday lanuguage... exactly like what i'm studying in romantic lit.

~dom
 — unknown

take out the elipses, those don't work with this poem.  it's got very abrupt stanzas, which if i were you, i'd elaborate.
 — sassybnyss

thees ees beeyoooteeefoooool
 — unknown

i mean it ^
 — syzygy

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