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now that i've broken the eggshell of these wee hours
i seem to have awoken
cascades of lazy hopes
ready to be renascent        reborn
cycles of expanding and
contracting around a daydream
that had been wistful for a night
when it could make a return
tragi-comedies  other lives  to travel down
another mind    visiting bigger and better statues
monuments to our history    golden dazzle
metamorphoses    alchemy magic wizard
spaceships  safaris  carnal rhythms
but not as you think
not to hurt but to cut to the source
of universal breath
that he rapped   that she talked to spirits
that he wrote children's stories    that others still are making
shoelaces for a living in assembly line
factories    for her blue suede shoes
his break dancing  her heart breaking
syringes of liquid bacteria cultures
being split up to understand
what's been inherited from
flagellated cells and
ancestral tadpoles without tails
crawling onto
stagnant silicon sand beaches
crystal water   shifting mountains
seasons changing with moods
moods changing with seasons
orbits being spun
virgin bride with bleeding heart
dominatrix in love with her selfless slave
vulnerable paths  common kinks and links in our chain
philosophers dodging punches
from psychologists
teachers students  tribes   no nations
copilots daring diving stunts   hang-gliding
over absolutes    theories needing
practice    proofs fighting
uncertainties   facts forming
postulates    creation evolving with a
bang    decades being
boxed in   centuries being
cut short   globalized into
tight sphere  tripping without
rivers veins and pearls
giants and midgets
beauty and death
all holding hands
and bowing
sending air kisses to
portions of barricaded brain
cheering wildly now
something to my mad method
i couldn't put into words
building everests to climb
so l can ever be at rest?
something to the pieces
of this puzzle that never fit
my inability to filter
and focus
turning me into atlas
feeling burdened
feeling confused
but really feeling the
seductive stretch
in the span of my arms
or was i straining too much
just a whale
swallowing ocean
after ocean
for a little luscious  plankton
to stick to my baleens?
these delusions   this silliness   this foolish secret desire
for it all to be grandiose
coins of infinite face
the dual nature of light
feeling infinitesimal
feeling particulate but
living waves
how frequently can i come
and go?
how will i make a point
when I’m rocking at sea?
mass and energy
transforming at my fingers
what will i be closer to
once i make link after
senseless link
attempting half-baked arguments
putting little thought
into a little of everything?
just need a little more time
but even then
would i just move faster
(fast as break of dawn)
so it could all stay the same
so i could be younger than my twin self
trying to grow away from my accelerating frame?
arrays of questions
in rapid succession
stealing my sleep
begging to be pinned down
but i'm lacking still
a little bit of something
before i can take them all the way

It'll be a real poem some day...Comments with ratings are truly appreciated!  Or just comments, really.

11 Feb 08

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
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I love your wording and your selfless thought process. This is wonderful, however in need of some TLC.

Your breaks could be reworked. And I don't get some of your question marks.
Still I completely felt your situation. This is truthfully amazing
 — BoundFeet

i had trouble following this so i can't review it.
 — joey

Thanks BoundFeet!  Yeah, I will have to work on format.. and probably pare it down.

joey - welcome to my mind heh.  I was trying to capture this weird , scattered path it went down one night...   I appreciate you giving it a shot, and perhaps the fact that it was difficult to follow is review enough.
 — sggunal

i'm not able to join the separate parts of what you're saying in this comment. are you saying that someone got shot?
 — joey

*checks for blood*  No, I think I'm okay.  :)

I was saying:  Thank you for attempting to read the poem.
 — sggunal

thank you. it was nice of you to come.
 — joey

WHY do I like this so much? no offense.

It's not my typical cup of tea, but this is working for me right now.

VERY good
 — tiedtoes

I'm not sure why you like this so much either, but I'm glad you do!  Thanks.
 — sggunal

...and the missing fractalcore...

no wonder.
: )
 — fractalcore

As per the title.
I think it would be hysterical, if you broke off the last line
and extruded
"Oh look, a squirrel!"

Nice poem though. 7.
 — EpicPants

thanks!  :)

i was in bed, so i guess i could do 'hmm my right toe's itching' ...or something like that too.
 — sggunal