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like a little normal queerboy (a-side)

i have fine tasting limbs and am strong like an amazon
5 toes on one foot, 5 on the other.
in love with a nice boy
from the mid-west, who has curly blond-hair
and speaks like a man.
he is a little normal queerboy too.
our love extends like hands in the movie
theatre, our love; ours. But,
he left my dorm last night,
seemed restless. found his shoes.
borrows daddy's mouth, saying:  
he ain't no fucking fag.
i am a little normal queerboy.
i cry in the dark.

17 Feb 08

Rated 10 (7.4) by 1 users.
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i mean, just get ready: you know he's a-coming.

i think, i dunno, but you already know: the last three lines sorta rely on what-i-already-knew.
the line before it (11) is nice.

it's funny that line two is in pentameter, being that it talks about fives and feet and all.
 — Rixes

I love the shape you've given this, the way the lines gradually shrink to their whimpering end. Yep, nicely done.

L2 - excellent. It's the first thing we check for when our babies are born. A silly standard to measure normal by - makes it so appropriate here.
L9-12 - terrific - except for the colon. It adds confusion like L12 should be in quotes.
L13 - unnecessary repetition, imo.
 — nakedowl

L 2 has 10 syllables but is NOT "pentameter"
Desperate attempt at getting joey to critique your poetry. You could just ask him, he seems like he would gladly do it.
 — unknown

It wasn't about getting joey's attention but to do that poem thing, because when I am writing a poem I think I am probably writing a poem, not giving a BJ.
about the non-quote thing- well it has become part of his consciousness, branded into his skull, so now he is just like murmuring it out into the cosmos, and there is no 'sound' out there just thought...like particles flying through space.

umm, I quite like the repetition at the end there. And for me, this is all about getting to the last line. Which is also a big part of the b-side "choir lame cunt"...
 — DeformedLion

line 11 love it. you put into words that feeling of shame and guilt that is hard to express.
 — sunshinesgf

written entirely for shock value like the rest of the stupid fag stuff on this site
 — unknown

def's not fag, but i am, and this is a meditation on what fag and writing might mean. that it's not successful shows only that the material is too raw to be easy about, and you're not easy, unknown, though you'd like to be safe in a daddy's arms, and i ain't your daddy and deformedlion is always trying to build himself into a new consciousness through his work. you're building a collection of beer bottles, and that's nice and e-bay, and that's nice. this poem is way better than you'll ever write and you won't even know everyone else thinks so too, cause your friends lie when they say they're not fags.
 — joey

fags can't hide what they are and I wouldn't have one for a friend. my friends who are gay though are not shy about it. as usual you're full of hot air.
 — unknown

you always want to go to the dance, but you can't dance, and you end up in the bathroom giving head for blo, and someday you're going to admit that you just liked the head part and that the blo sort of gave you a head ache, and you still won't dance but lots of straight guys hang around the boys cause they've got to, and you've got to learn to not write comments like a college professor pretending to be a plumber cause no body wants to get blown by a professor.

fags show us what love and truth is. that's god's plan.
 — joey

It isn't a vicious poem.
 — DeformedLion

love stories don't have depth, they only have endings.
 — DeformedLion

DeformedLion. Normally i hate fag poems and hetero poems and i'd prolly hate bi poems if i knew i was reading one, it all smacks of hopeless mirror gazing to me, yeah that's my prob i know.
This poem is beautiful, thanks for sharing.

 — unknown

whos the queerboy when it comes down to it?

nice imagery - really cute - L7-14 are great.

 — adonispillow

"fags can't hide what they are and I wouldn't have one for a friend. my friends who are gay though are not shy about it. as usual you're full of hot air."

who the fuck wrote that??? fuck you dude.
 — unknown

hello poem
 — DeformedLion

how the hell did i miss out
on this one? sorry, i'm over
a year late.

: )
 — fractalcore