poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Fend Her Hair

spoiled brat dyed,
well-taken care of,
of course –
jet black?
feel the bottom first…
and there’s the sixth top;
now grip the slender neck
to rouse the giraffe
from her spotless sleep,
slick red-bellied,
forked dork-face
with strong stiffened
       hair –
just what I need
on my scalpy flop,
unwound as it should be,
neither coiled nor taut.
[I’d like some sleep, too,
believe it or naught]
     but wait –
[BeMineOr – Easy,Ven(ice)]:
a kiss – in a million ways's I please,
gladly cloned where I want –
back of your neck,
                     your chin upfront
    and there
my low’r Egypt collides
with its high’r female count’part,
annihilatin’ River Nile late in
the conflict aft’wards…
conflict then resolves
                            on cue,
river then becomes
                            Lake Fugue-ooh;
tongue-tied, well-immersed
                            in the depths,
heated sounds resonate with
                            the undercurrent’s
     …OM, AUM…
     …ooh, ahh…
     …doki doki…

written a few hours ago

25 Feb 08

Rated 9 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (10): 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


:)amusing, brilliantly written, i like it.. a love poem
 — nisetru

thanks very much, nisetru, but
i'm not quite satisfied with it yet.

needs some more tweaking, i think.
: )
 — fractalcore

 — nisetru

welp, still struggling...will be back
for any further adjustments.

thanks again for reading, nisetru.
: )
 — fractalcore

after the first couple of lines, it made me laugh out loud.. Nicely written.

 — Gabriella

wow, gabriella finally has something nice to say...astounding!
 — unknown

yeah, well, people do say nice things about good writing. Weird huh?

L26 is just way too much of a distraction for me, and I had to stop and sort of read it a few times, scratch my head, then shrug my shoulders and move on. Its a pretty lame line anyway.

But I like this poem, fun images balanced out with nice word use- in that it sounds cool, well, like with L32 onwards you shifted gears. Made for good reading.
 — DeformedLion

Gabriella, glad this tickled you in some
ways i'll never know. If you you could
tell me exactly how then i'll be tickled, too.
Thanks for liking it and for taking the time.

unknown, nice dialogue there with Gab.
also thank you for stopping by.

DeformedLion, glad you enjoyed this one.
just playing some chords there in |26.
now there's your clue. Lame should be
rethunk and thank you for reading.
: )
 — fractalcore

ok. Bm, but I don't get the next bit.
 — DeformedLion

|26: Bm-E7 is
|27: an act ...

i think you now see the
guitar very clearly.

but which act?
: )
 — fractalcore

Well 4-6 kind of hold a significance with me. Colours!=p And L45-48 remind me of a band that would most likely produce this. Foxy Shazam. You should look them up, perhaps then you'll see what I mean.

 — Gabriella

wow, they're amazing, Gab...
could very well stand (or roll
on the floor) amongst Nirvana,
The Vines, or even Jimi Hendrix.

: )
 — fractalcore

superb. especially lines 32 to 35.
 — raskolniikov

I told you!

Buddhist? Are you asking me if I am because I am...and that's strange..hah
 — Gabriella

I don't really get the title.  I though fend might fight something off.  I am off-put by the abbreviations and the 'slick' feel of this.  I would like very much to hear the poet read this.  That can make a piece come to life.  

What am I missing?
 — Isabelle5

the title, I believe, is in reference to a Fender guitar (such a beautiful thing), and 'hair' are the guitar strings. perhaps.
 — DeformedLion

enjoyed fract,
i love the end--ing
the last half the poem really speeds up,
lots of sparks.

how are you?
 — jenakajoffer

hi, rask. you got a very nice blackhole love
poem and it's good to hear from you again.
||32-35 are some of my personal faves, too.
what do you make of them?

unknown, thank you for reading. no, i'm just
describing my Fender Squier Stratocaster Bullet
Series in those particular lines and no human
being's demeaned in the making of this poem.

Gab, I like them Foxy Shazam guys. I had been
an old Kurt Cobain fan before I looked him up
and knew he was Buddhist. having a strong
inclination towards such a spiritual science myself,
my admiration of him grew. I've recently joined
Ananda Marga but still regard myself a Buddhist
non-Buddhist punk.

Isabelle5, thank you for reading. the title is about
my girl's beautiful dyed hair, my thinning hair, and
my red Fender guitar. what do you make of the
last 2 lines?

Nice job, DeformedLion, and thank you. Now I've
rendered this piece so boring to read. I've run out
of grout to chew, that's why.

hi, jen. very nice to hear from you, too. i'm doing
really fine. hope all's well with you and Damian.
thanks for dropping by.

: )
 — fractalcore

very nifty
but i think i'll stick with norman ;)
 — chuckle_s

hi, chuckle_s. thanks for reading.
did you mean larry norman? he
rocks my world as well. my PC
poet friend who's very fond of him
introduced me to his blues. yeah,
both of them are amazing.
: )
 — fractalcore

norman as opposed to fender
i bought a norman classical acoustic in '91 played the crap out of it for 8 years it was all dirty stained dead skin oil goo on the fretboard soundhole halfbusted from the damn toddlers then i bought a nice yamaha not cheap but definitely far from top of the line brand new that thing sounded like crap compared to old faithful i still have it
 — chuckle_s

good for you, chuck. i've had like 5 different acoustic guitars
so far but non of them ever hitting the guitar magazines nor
the music store racks either. they were some cheap imitations
which served me good all these years. i'm still learning the trade
though and would be very much delighted to own at least a
Yamaha just like yours sometime.
: )
 — fractalcore

So I guess your guitar gives you the satisfaction that not even your girl can/has...whatever.  If my man's a musician, I would rather be his instrument.  

Greatly written anyway.
 — happymole

thank you so much, happymole.

fact is, this is about my girl who has that
long, lovely, dyed hair. couldn't just leave
out my own hair, my sleeplessness, and my
Fender in all that romance. actually played
a riff for that kiss that lasted forever.

...doki doki...
: )
 — fractalcore

 — happymole

why the sad face, happymole?
: )
 — fractalcore

ever heard of the word cynical?
 — happymole

 — OKcomputer

happymole, that's more sad than cynical...
but hopefully just a phase.

please cheer up, ok?
: )
 — fractalcore

thank you so much, OKcomputer.
i'd be a trillion dollar richer if i knew
the answer to that.
: )
 — fractalcore

and i'd be able to buy me a digital cam.
: )
 — fractalcore


; )
 — fractalcore

: )
 — fractalcore

: )
 — fractalcore

nope,still mad.
 — unknown

i'm still mad about your
abduction of OKcomputer.

want some marshallow blitzkrieg?
; )
 — fractalcore

Me likes 11-14 da best!
Tis all good though.
doki doki artichoki.
 — mandolyn

ooh, yeah,
rubber doki doki

; )
 — fractalcore

whoops a Daisy
 — Quen

see under: SeeNile . . .. this is lovely . . .very.
 — unknown

well this was different.
 — psychofemale


your comment just reminded me
of a surrealist photo of daisies.

thanks for stopping

; )
 — fractalcore

dear unk,

are you telling me to see under the hood
if the engine is growing senile? hehe.

there is always beauty in old age, yes.
; )
 — fractalcore

hi psychofemale,

well, what's different and new will
ultimately become old and boring,
but this, for me, will never grow old.

love never goes old, yes?
; )
 — fractalcore

bump ;-)
 — Quen


hi, Quen.
; )
 — fractalcore

hey, the highs and lows of a musician. can you write a song, please?
 — unknown