poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Lifespan of a Glimpse

Still waiting
amidst a crowd of cold shoulders,
teasing each pair of vacant eyes,
and every forehead forlorn
with meddling thoughts.
Vacuous sights nailed
on mundane paths romance
my cobwebby beingness.


27 Feb 08

Rated 9 (7.9) by 5 users.
Active (5): 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

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very nice
 — nisetru

thanks for reading nisetru.
 — trochee

i like how this is a prominent glimpse of a poem. very poetic of you.
 — listen

wowowia. thnks a lot listen.
 — trochee

haha, nice one troch.
very clever and wordy in a good way.
title makes me smile.
 — jenakajoffer

thanks a lot for reading jen. miss you.
 — trochee

nice poem
and visual aid.
: )
 — fractalcore

"fingering each pair of vacant eyes"- did you get that line from someone else? ...seems familiar.

Its OK, there's just something about it that I find...unsatisfying.
 — DeformedLion

really? which one dood?
 — trochee

thanks for reading fractal
 — trochee

probably this one, but weeks ago... i blame it on the boogie. although "forlorn" comes a strong second.
 — DeformedLion

i hope its not relating to "Queen of the Jungle: Deformed Pussy", is it? :)
sorry the guy didnt had the copyrights so i plucked it from there. mwaahaha
 — trochee

i have no idea of what you just said.
 — DeformedLion

OH yeah!  Good 1, Troch!  L's 1-3 are very Rod McKuen-ish as in Lonesome Cities or Stanyan Street and Other Sorrows.  Love your brain AND your words, buddy.  :-)
 — starr

This is quite sexy. Wow
 — themolly

This is so good. I printed it out and gave it to my boyfriend and told him I wrote it.
I also sent it to a poetry mag. There's publishing it. I told them my name's Dante Shakspeare.
I live in Oregon. I have cats.
 — unknown

this was one of the best of the lot, trochee, about the looker on Fulton street
 — AlchemiA

Very nice
 — MCulyer

I like the word play in this--and the top-notch title.
 — PaulS

thanks a lot starr, molly, alchemia, mculyer, paul S and best of luck to you weird unknown chick. Just let me know which magazine would it be.
 — trochee

This poem is very effectively condensed. There is so much going on it such a short piece. Strong stuff.

Larry puny weakling Lark
 — larrylark

fully packed, like a parcel sent overseas. crammed with surprises and cunning combinations. your final line is such a tease.
 — unknown

Thanks a lot Mr. Lark.
 — trochee

oops! thanks unknown for the kind words.
 — trochee

This is beautiful. It reminds me of one of my poems, but it seems so much better! It brings me a calm acceptance and makes me smile wistfully. Very nice poem.
 — Maela

This is a nice piece. For some reason romance just kind of sticks out to me, though. It feels like that one hair sticking up on a perfectly coifed head. One dog's opinion. Good job
 — grneyeddevil

Any idea what happened to Veronique?
 — unknown

just re-visiting troch.
coco is sitting on the couch watching 'the golden compass', and so when i looked at line 2, i read 'colden shoulders'.  thought is was awesome.  probably not a word, but i thought it sounded amazing here.  
hope ur all good n groovy,
 — jenakajoffer

thanks jen. i am alive and kicking.
wolves die hard ;)

give my regards to coco... or rather just howl, she will know ;)
 — trochee