poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Lifespan of a Glimpse
unknown

Still waiting
 1
amidst a crowd of cold shoulders,
 2
teasing each pair of vacant eyes,
 3
and every forehead forlorn
 4
with meddling thoughts.
 5
Vacuous sights nailed
 6
on mundane paths romance
 7
my cobwebby beingness.
 8

http://i25.tinypic.com/auk0uh.jpg

27 Feb 08

Rated 9 (7.9) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

very nice
 — nisetru

thanks for reading nisetru.
 — trochee

i like how this is a prominent glimpse of a poem. very poetic of you.
 — listen

wowowia. thnks a lot listen.
 — trochee

haha, nice one troch.
very clever and wordy in a good way.
title makes me smile.
 — jenakajoffer

thanks a lot for reading jen. miss you.
 — trochee

nice poem
and visual aid.
: )
 — fractalcore

"fingering each pair of vacant eyes"- did you get that line from someone else? ...seems familiar.

Its OK, there's just something about it that I find...unsatisfying.
 — DeformedLion

really? which one dood?
 — trochee

thanks for reading fractal
 — trochee

probably this one, but weeks ago... i blame it on the boogie. although "forlorn" comes a strong second.
 — DeformedLion

i hope its not relating to "Queen of the Jungle: Deformed Pussy", is it? :)
sorry the guy didnt had the copyrights so i plucked it from there. mwaahaha
 — trochee

i have no idea of what you just said.
 — DeformedLion

OH yeah!  Good 1, Troch!  L's 1-3 are very Rod McKuen-ish as in Lonesome Cities or Stanyan Street and Other Sorrows.  Love your brain AND your words, buddy.  :-)
 — starr

This is quite sexy. Wow
 — themolly

This is so good. I printed it out and gave it to my boyfriend and told him I wrote it.
I also sent it to a poetry mag. There's publishing it. I told them my name's Dante Shakspeare.
I live in Oregon. I have cats.
 — unknown

this was one of the best of the lot, trochee, about the looker on Fulton street
 — AlchemiA

Very nice
 — MCulyer

I like the word play in this--and the top-notch title.
 — PaulS

thanks a lot starr, molly, alchemia, mculyer, paul S and best of luck to you weird unknown chick. Just let me know which magazine would it be.
 — trochee

This poem is very effectively condensed. There is so much going on it such a short piece. Strong stuff.

Larry puny weakling Lark
 — larrylark

fully packed, like a parcel sent overseas. crammed with surprises and cunning combinations. your final line is such a tease.
 — unknown

Thanks a lot Mr. Lark.
 — trochee

oops! thanks unknown for the kind words.
 — trochee

This is beautiful. It reminds me of one of my poems, but it seems so much better! It brings me a calm acceptance and makes me smile wistfully. Very nice poem.
 — Maela

This is a nice piece. For some reason romance just kind of sticks out to me, though. It feels like that one hair sticking up on a perfectly coifed head. One dog's opinion. Good job
 — grneyeddevil

Any idea what happened to Veronique?
 — unknown

just re-visiting troch.
coco is sitting on the couch watching 'the golden compass', and so when i looked at line 2, i read 'colden shoulders'.  thought is was awesome.  probably not a word, but i thought it sounded amazing here.  
funny.
hope ur all good n groovy,
jen
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

oye.
thanks jen. i am alive and kicking.
wolves die hard ;)
wooooooooooooooo

give my regards to coco... or rather just howl, she will know ;)
 — trochee

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