poetry critical

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DON-CHA-TUT
fractalcore

gr8
 1
.exe
 2
cue
 3
sh'n
 4




written 2/27/08
http://poetrycritical.net/read/2191/


thanks, gnormal.


      ____
     __/__
       /\
     /   \
fractalcore
       : )

2 Mar 08

Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4):
Inactive (0): 6, 7, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

I like it :), simple great message and its form and composition, another +10 poem of yours.
 — nisetru

thank you, nisetru.
: )
 — fractalcore

i ummmm, uh and so-one, kind of always say "x" when i load an ".exe" file and i am so relieved to be allowed to just get over that.

maybbe too, the "cue" begs to be let out to play in another poem.
 — joey

If you hadn't already caught on, Joey, I couldn't tell by your comment, but it says "execution".  Sound it out.
 — unknown

jeeps, you must not be awake yet. of course i can read it, but of course you've put the dos dot in front of the word and that's what i'm reading more. sorry you didn't understand. have some jolt: this is being read by lamers who like you because you didn't make them have to read a poem.
 — joey

you got a stalker, joey. the basic requirement
of sounding this off is as tough as that dot that
got your attention and i myself am stuck right
there.
: )
 — fractalcore

yeah, it works as a glyph, and i knew what was what -- but, you know that i'm really into hearing and saying a poem. there are some which cannot be said, but they usually are constructed with parallel words meant to be seen at once and rendered in cognition as simultaneous. this one does, in its playful way -- we're to see it both ways -- but hearing it... that's my problem. i do think the problem i have with "cue" in this is more real a problem -- it stand out so much and this poem is so minimalist that any color in its monochrome is going to make us want lipstick. "cue"?
 — joey

it's the only normal word there, yes and you're eternally
stuck with an "x" for a pop-up under its very rigid rule that
says "Don't you tut!".

wrestle with the cue in vain.
: )
 — fractalcore

was that a public execution?
 — unknown

it's a hopeless situation that everybody shuns
but can do absolutley nothing about.

you can only watch one die by the rope around
his neck or by the firing squad.
: )
 — fractalcore

the man from laramie... he was a man with so many notches on his gun, he was always fight'n -- fight'n was this man's destiny -- then, and it really went this way i think -- there was no cay-oot who could out-shoot the man from laramie. ( "the man from laramie", a movie )

that being the case the confooshn of the exxon-que-shun makes the nee cess it y of erection of the gallows speculation a sir tayne ordain -- the oil boys drop their pants at the bell.
 — joey

or it's like having no room for spontaneity
and your free spirit chokes.

or when you're not allowed to dislike this
piece whether it's executed well or not.
: )
 — fractalcore

shit, you mean it's encrypted with an exploding metaphor if i fuck with it? dang. it's such a beautiful poem too, to think that it's controlled by the princeton encyclopedia of entrenched versifers. anyway, the man from laramie was so cool and stuff... i guess... i only liked the song.
 — joey

i'll definitely look that up. are you familiar with
" BAD / RAP " ? it's a cool song, too.
: )
 — fractalcore

here:

http://poetrycritica l.net/read/2191/
: )
 — fractalcore

some would call joey ruthless, some even a prick, fact of the matter is he is right, the whole poem is abbreviations. If you were looking to use all computer lingo, cue and sh'n would be omitted so that alley is out. .exe does read as X and the exe must be inferred, in a four one word a line poem there is no room to have to go back and reread, the entire impact is lost. Lost the period and just put exe or a better phonetic representation.

I'd step back from defense and take what is given.

Nice write tho, I found it clever.  
 — TCooks

yes, i'd read that and thought it was pretty good as a thing of some kind, like a tag on a wall when you're on a train and looking at san jose and buildings. i diin't think it was really needing any crit though -- it is what it is -- and it didn't really make me think about much except middle class kids tagging around in their beemers. yours on the other hand reminded me of a poem.
 — joey

great. execution!
: )
 — fractalcore

t'cook, you're only tripping on my thoughtfully analytical crits, and how i have to deal with the egos of the poets with my own poet's ego -- this is that place -- what place? -- the burning fiery furnace. i write very nice and nourishing crits and not all of them are cooked with captured owl-gall, and some of them are sweet.

mike
 — joey

Right. That is what I'm saying. I agree with you.
 — TCooks

i'd rather you shit on what doesnt work then just say "Sweet poem man" I like the words and how you put them in the order they are in.
 — TCooks

hi, TCooks. was just giving it a try on
3-letter words here. and you very well
know there's no word such as "exe".
the dot there was to make it stand as
a suffix that denotes file format and
for it be somewhat legitimate.

if you could settle for the simple nuance
of putting words (i.e. "great execution")
into the reader's mouth then you'd be
at a better vantage point. plus the title is
a strict rule so this really doesn't give the
reader any other option.

thank you so much for reading.
: )
 — fractalcore

mandybrot, what shows really nice in this, and why it's a poem for me, is that it's not the three-letter-words in a list from websters that some tired after a long day at the bar guys write for points....

no, really, this has the phonetic breaks and cleverness that involve me into it.
 — joey

thanks, joey, but this simply and mainly
is putting words into the reader's mouth
or a kiddee tablet with bad (after)taste.
: )
 — fractalcore

i'm not sure you understand where i'm coming from with this. i've written maybe a thousand poems and about 990 of them have been "deep" and phoney and a poem like this is so fresh and poem-y that it's the kind that stays with people -- way longer than -- "you didn't fold my sox and i forgive you" shit.
 — joey

i knew you'd say that and i erased my 2nd stanza
which ran along that line so as not to be tagged this
and that.

i just wish you didn't explain yourself here...to me.
but that's all good, nevertheless.
: )
 — fractalcore

why is it a problem for you that i'm explaining myself? is it because it over-signifies the poem? but, this is the critical place where we analyze on a molecular level, and you're working at least the fibonacci here, if not the infinitely regressing triangles. it's more than a joke.
 — joey

my point being

i don't know nor care where you are
nor what you do in between poems but
know where you're coming from.

good to have you around.
: )
 — fractalcore

actually is a great pleasure...
: )
 — fractalcore

ur2 GR8 probz cue 2 ku or w/e? l8r g8r
 — AlchemiA

ryt, "kyu" wud hav bin duh b'st*
w'rd* der but* it[']s* agh 'nst duh rul.

*legit examples
: )
 — fractalcore

*including "duh"
: )
 — fractalcore

*and "bin"
: )
 — fractalcore

ok, it's a crappy piece but i'm not allowed to
say so.
: )
 — fractalcore

it sucks, but only because it's an old poem, dude. the next one is the one.
 — joey

i'll kil any one who sez dis iss not gud.



juz kid din.
: )
 — fractalcore

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