poetry critical

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I think about, not for

There is a
Sorrow on the surface of
Your eyes, and a distance
in your voice like the
Your love seems more
like Charity, and when
You sit, your attention
,down cast, seems
Pious. There is no
age in your skin
as though you are still
being born!
And when I speak with
You, there is an emptiness
In your words, and I am made
      Happy and Sad by
Your hidden silence.
And I made you a
Heartsong. I played it,
and sang it in the morning
when the breeze brought
dew, and the mist was
bright, and the birds
sang too.
And I made you a
Poem. And your cheeks
were roses, suddenly blooming;
and trailing behind me
were ten thousand peddles,
each one representing a
thought of you.

2 Mar 08

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this is very nice but "There is no age
in your skin..." doesn't seem to fit.
: )
 — fractalcore

it means both that there's an eternal beauty to this one but also an eternal freshness or naivete' of thought... it's up to the poet to show us which one we're to accept as true.
 — joey

that is quite what the sign says upfront -- the irony
carried over from ||1-18. that particular sentence,
however, carried more than just that effect and struck
me as an altogether different poem. i prolly meant
"stand out".
: )
 — fractalcore

xorry, i misread your comment. i do think the ambiguity is there as subtle, but the surface of this poem is so naturalistic that subtle is too subtle... that i'm seeing golden pond and not the urge to read the author as much as i usually do. it seems pretty straight forward "narration of a competent and thoughtful narrator" to me.
 — joey

Every time i make a comment, i never get any more comments...
 — MattPat

this is lovely
 — psychofemale

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