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this is kind of campy, in a subtle way -- velcro grips and maybe stings and together with that, melds is what happens in a dance or maybe to a spy in the crowd. ice sticks like ice.
I AM ALIVE, too.
its shortness, to the point, objectivity sustains its title.
I like it very much
Beauty is in everything. You just proved it.
ps: hi fractalcore :)
I'm bothered by the caps at the beginning of each line. Can you change them to fit the sentences?
Limbs of ice - trees? Maybe limbs wrapped in ice. I think using meld and Velcro in one line is too much. The reader only needs one of those to understand the image being portrayed.
Why so much space between lines 1 and 2? If this is like a postcard, you'd think it would be closer together, like missing and longer feel.
hmmm...thanks for he comments, isabelle, most of your concerns will clear up if you read the capital letters, i think
Oh, egg on my face!! I missed that totally!
I should write one - I AM Blind!
Oh, boy, Aforbing's prophecy came true! haha-
This is kind of cool, however, I don't believe Velcro is a verb. It's a brand of material, therefore, it's a proper noun. Things don't "velcro" into each other. They adhere like velcro to one another. Food 4 thought.
Acrostic e-mail of 'I Am Alive' is much better than the SPAM we always get - we'll send a care package
waitin on that care package...i think my parents actually just thought i was being weird and missed the acrostic element...anyway thanks for the coomments...i chose velcro because i think the "stick-y" branches of the trees poking into the grey vastness of the sky is pretty velcro-like...and meld and velcro are supposed to meld and velcro within themselves as well...if you buy that...but thanks for the suggestions...
I think you're trying so hard to show off the "I am alive" message here that your grammatical focus is thrown off. We're beginning in the past tense with "It was," therefore, I would think that the remaining lines would show action in the past tense as well (Ice that melded...) into each other. I also would agree that Velcro is a brand name and not a verb. I think, as Unknown does, that "vanish" would be the better choice here; maybe even veer, but in the past tense (vanished, veered.) Then, you could keep the first strophe as it is. Good luck! :-)
thanks for comments....went with present tense, thanks....velcro is a verb, check the OED...i had "vanish" recommended to me about 10 times, i would say that makes it an awful choice for a poem thats supposed to be refreshing, in a sense....
http://dict ionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50275649?single=1&query_type=word&queryw ord=velcro&first=1&max_to_show=10
wow nice poem
god damn acrostic...
better than most I have read though.