|raspberry I and/or II grows
raspberry ice cream,
eternal flight to
the Eternal soaring --
i let them speak to you
the only language they know;
scaling the tranquil skies with you
the turbulence in me grows.
written dec '07
13 Mar 08
Rated 8 (8.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6
Inactive (6): 5, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10
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first two lines beg for a lighter poem
thanks for reading, poetbill.
the first strophe is actually the
lighter alter-ego of the second.
two stanzas, one for school girls looking for that cute guy. The other for lover, not a fighter. Learn to separate the two. What's the emphasis on eternal?
thanks for reading, Andramelach.
one is an adjective, the other a noun.
this is just one of those moments i had
with my girl so there's no searching of
any sort here and i can't separate the
stanzas, hence the title.
so it's like the lady speaking the first part
and then the gentleman the second.
a yin-yang kind of thing, if you will...
beautiful love poem, especially the second stanza, very well observed the way love feels, the calmness and at the same time the deep emotions stirring one's heart in the presence of the lover.
(the first stanza makes me think of a flower the color of raspberry and of summer..)
Did you edit to make this softer? It seems more harmonius now to me.
thank you so much, nisetru.
unknown, thanks, too. why do you say it's joey poetry?
i'll check the link soon.
poetbill, it's the same thing you saw the first time.
are you like affected by the lunar circumstance?
thanks for liking this, rask.
poetbill, are you telling me a full moon
or high tide is not a good sign to post?
i manage to smile everyday;
sometimes i laugh.
If you post when it's high tide and full moon together, either Joey will come to your house for a weekend of poetry reading or schools of mullet will wash up on your porch...
no big reason to paint the skies and seas black
really. i have a good hunch i can learn a lot
from them. like how i can improve this particular
attempt at making sense.
will there be a full moon tonight?
Joey poetry, lol
i enjoyed the video.
thanks a lot, unknown.
oh wow fract,
this is lovely!
i prefer raspberry sherbet to ice-cream
but that's just a personal thing.
i wrote of raspberry lips once, so when i read yours, i smiled.
hi there, jen.
thanks for dropping by.
thank you and yourself?
i think it's very much like
you must be in warmer parts than i.
it's still brrrrrrrr!
caught between extremes of
warm and cold here.
polar shhift, some say.
still waiting for globs of snow
poor poor peter cottontail!
they all melt sooner or later.
There are only a few poets who can use the word "eternal" in its truest or perfect sense. Couldn't rate your poem less than 10 or else it will entirely be underrated. That'll be too much of a guilt for me.
thank you so much, happymole.
i'm eternally greatful to you and
everybody else here on PC.
Short, but very strong. It moves me. Raspberry is my favorite flavor/scent, I could only wish someone would one day read this and think of me.
some wishes come true, Aziel.
thasnks for dropping by.