poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Milton Bradley Goes To McDonalds.
TCooks

Welcome to land of the Free,
 1
Milton Bradley-- McDonald families,
 2
planning middle class atrocities
 3
separating haves and have nots,
 4
sneakers cover holes in socks
 5
blood clots and fox trots,
 6
happiness from local liquor mart
 7
waltzing through parking lots
 8
blissful steps of ignorance
 9
blowing off extremities
 10
slipping on Big Macs dropped upon the floor.
 11

13 Mar 08

Rated 8 (7.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (2): 7, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(12 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

reminds me of a Big Mac on the bathroom floor...
 — unknown

hahah, yeah, thats what I was going for.
 — TCooks

someone take a stab at this?
 — TCooks

rather trite
 — unknown

The last line is particularly annoying...how is there a line to a dream? dreams aren't some disney world ride...or maybe they are. But landmines? surely not. Shouldn't it be something more like the ink they print the money with....
 — DeformedLion

lion, you couldn't be more right, you really have a strong grasp on the point i really lose "steam"  your input is appreciated, i am workin on a better kicker, truth be told it was a much longer piece i condensed down to one strophe, overall a failure im afraid.

thanks for the read.

unknown- ok how could it be better, if i knew it wasn't trite it wouldn't be on the site.
 — TCooks

reach for unique thoughts/images that speak to the reader
 — unknown

I love the concept around this.  Why is there always a 'Caution Wet Floor' sign up somewhere but your shoes always seem to stick....
 — addagirl

I really like this... partly because I hate McDonalds with a fiery passion.

Especially: ""happiness from local liquor mart/waltzing through parking lots" and the last line.
 — andyleggett

0.834s