poetry critical

online poetry workshop

the prayer of anzio beach

dear GOD help us
come yourself
don't send jesus
this is no place for children

16 Mar 08

Rated 10 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10, 10
Inactive (1): 1

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that's all there was, he died before the poem was finished
 — foundpoem

you saw a movie once, didn't you? it took all your poetry talent away and made you into a screen writer. that was a good movie.
 — unknown

no, it's not from a movie
it's from a survivor
 — foundpoem

a surveyor, you say? had they wanted an enclosed bathing pool? are you sure he wasn't a civil engineer?
 — unknown

8 weeks crouched in snow or swamp
7 thousand dead
30 thousand battle injuries
50 thousand non-combat related injuries, frost bite, trench foot, madness--
before they even saw a german
 — foundpoem

this was before the war? i know italians can be passionate, but this is a little extreme.
 — unknown

the trouble was, they didn't like the smell of naplam in the morning
 — foundpoem

 — foundpoem

actually, i've read most of the history and the ancillary histories of the time and place. i really resent, in a critical poetry space, this kind of graffiti is introduced as hagiographic and un-touchable because it's supposedly real. if you as a poet and artist can do some "soaping private ryan" on it then that's one thing, and many people do, but i don' think this p.c. should be used as poetican idol and only be for hugs and applause.

or, better, make this into a tee-shirt and sell it to the tourists.

in any case it doesn't show a kind of writing that we haven't understood and made into our own already. read some of our poetry.
 — unknown

it was real, s.p ryan was the fantasy
sorry you didn't like it joe
 — unknown

that was me ^
 — foundpoem

i don't think you get the point -- but it's probable that you don't get the point -- this isn't your poem -- this is poetry critical. we critique each other. "histories" means that i've read histories -- many -- of world war two and the war in italy. italy is where anzio is. anzio is a place there. you've heard of italy, yes? it's where pizzas come from.

posting this thing here makes us look at it as a poem. it isn't. in boston harbor there is an island with huts on it. in it are carvings and scribbles on the wall from italian prisoners of war. they are touching. if i were to post one of them here as poetry it would be a shitty thing to do. they're not my work and i had nothing to do with them being here. i don't run a movie concession here, and i don't have to entertain anyone. what if this doggy thing of yours gets voted number one write-write? wouldn't you think that was i joke? i think it's a joke already.
 — unknown

i apologize to you. i've signed in and i see that you're kept these off the rating list and i suspect then that you are posting these here because you like them. that's a good thing for you to do.

again, i apologize.

 — joey

it is an actual snapshot of humour in misery, and to be honest joe i'd rather have you tell me it's crap, than get a high rating for it.
if you like numbers instead of words, show me your best pome and i'll go chuck a 10 your way
 — foundpoem

wow, you really don't get it. it's that the game played here is the rating game, and i'm not in that game because i'm a nigger. you're not one, so this one, if it went to top, would be a joke to you because you know it's not as well written as "a polish flyer...".

it makes you seem like you're showing off by bringing your daddy's medal to school. when they ask, you, you'll have to tell them why it looks like a cross, cause they'll think it's catholic or something.
 — unknown

daddies medal, what are you on? it's like you have a windup mouth spewing drivel out  at the world. why are you so angry at yourself?
 — foundpoem

freaking out already? you're like a dope deal snarfing his product.

tell me, why are you posting this here? just straight out? what for?
 — unknown

settle petal, your lisp is not my problem
 — foundpoem

i like your banana republic shirt, dude. and the way your nose drips into the collar makes it seem sort of festive. i've never seen that much green snot.

thanks for the bj, son. here's a ten for your effort.
 — unknown

lolol wtf
 — OKcomputer

bj got swamped, and never told peggy about his runny nose
 — foundpoem

fuck a, you say? i din't no that. so, when it gets in you give me a call right?
 — unknown

np, i have you on speed dial
 — foundpoem

you crank that shit????
 — unknown

you wanked that shit, feel better now the dirty water's out?
 — foundpoem

that is good! you can go now
 — foundpoem

this is the cute puppy side of things...but then maybe the tigers break free, or maybe you go and read some actual war poetry and post it, and we can pat your back and spit in your coffee. and then joey will probably come and piss you off a bit...but that's ok, because you know which buttons to press.

the problem with real here is that it is kinda boring, cute for a while good for a laugh but then we all move on.          &n bsp;          & nbsp;                       ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;          & nbsp; 
 — DeformedLion

Thanks for the comment DeformedLion, yes very light, something for me ole mate to punch up.
I have read a great deal of war poetry and it's not the kind of subject one can write seriously about unless you have suffered in or from war.
Whoever prayed this first had a wonderful sense of black humour, i mean, people in desperate straits usually ask god for help, not poke fun at her.
 — foundpoem

ho, ho...There is a lot of punch packed into these few words...endless subtext.
Pithy and succint.

Some people look at these short pieces and think they are simplistic or tossed off in minutes, but each word has to count and be carefully chosen. If you know what you're doing just as much can be said with a few words, than pages.

 — unknown

make that "the prayer of a kiddo
called ME"

what am i doing here? this is no place
for children.

very nice poem.
: )
 — fractalcore