poetry critical

online poetry workshop



The Failure Of Ego
MattPat

This: the ache, the strain
 1
delayed;
 2
Betrayed the high way
 3
is
 4
The pain.
 5
 
 
Swiping clean the mask
 6
and peeling…
 7
Off the skin,
 8
and off the layers.
 9
I say, “Off with rotten reverie!”
 10
 
 
And to the bottom
 11
splayed
 12
and lust confronted. Wish
 13
The virgin made
 14
unchaste, and further hunted…
 15
 
 
Bade. The wire and the sound
 16
the wind upon the end
 17
when wild
 18
the civil keepers
 19
Child, in vane, a-tempts
 20
 
 
the sane
 21
with flesh and blood to taste
 22
the wine and bread,
 23
Again,
 24
will strain the strings,
 25
 
 
of heartless, thoughtless,
 26
loveless, self
 27
protected by analysis:
 28
Paralysis. Portrayed
 29
in the light by time (and life) itself
 30
Again!
 31

17 Mar 08

Rated 8 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 10
Inactive (2): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(150 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

but for the frustrating use of punctuation,
i really enjoyed this.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

Hope this difference will please you and all like you. I agreed after listening a little about the great  Ezra Pound.
 — MattPat

Very good. I don't know what else to say.
 — themolly

this is better, but if you take it a step further by releasing some of those caps, it would improve, if only for aesthetic reasons.
L7 "peeling"

very nice read and rythmn,
jen-
 — jenakajoffer

Like the first stanza...but shouldn't 'the' be capitalised, as per the rest...

yeah nice rhythm. Well, beat.
 — DeformedLion

Thank ye, Unfortunately though, i haven't found a way to make the meaning obvious And the damn cadence as i like it.

Thanks for the help Jena/Jen AKA Joffer/Jenaka Joffer/ Jennakajoffer
 — MattPat

much less constricted,
nice writing mp.
up't my rating
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

0.346s