poetry critical

online poetry workshop


                       !!! fukkk !!!
                    stunted growth,
                stinky breath: devoid
        of vehement, webbed, hairy lies.
                 a frog in the throat,
                 stubborn levels up –
           those starry, erudite eyes...
                     piss overrides
                the venom evolving;
         shit solves the green mystery
        of lizard-tails dissen[t]-gauging.
whilst [s]he-apeshifting in anlimitedspace
           seaNile lion dreds hiss hare
   jazzed-in time for the anon lofty grave;
              zoo flow'r zooms a glare
             to the bleak, black tirade.
          so, can Gary hoot?...yeahhoo!
         he gives a strokee hoot, it's true;
    cackles, Coulda'caused a ka-boom OK–
  ooh, after his Father'd baybee ankles slay.
          the baron says aMongst many,
       "Gary really's the bignormal kweer
                  who foots the bill" –
     n'is it true? a worm he's nut{s[(k)y]},
      honk! I think he's naught, yet More;
                      a happymule?
[ooh, if they've only listened, not banned it]
                    around he struts,
       goes moonwalkin', gab he doesn't,
a "risk-all" tAlched noodlin' a doodle meaty,
               pajamas in the laundry
                     leerylurky wet –
                     ( (     ( (     ( (
                      ) )     ) )     ) )
                     ( (     ( (     ( (
                      ) )     ) )     ) )  
         not affordbing an izzy jennysis
            of myop[al]ic poo-wet-tree
               in KurN CobaiT shades,
                 jaguar-mustang aXe
                      !!! tourette !!!

*  welcome to the jungle!

   no poets were harmed
   in the making of this piece
   and we only serve pure
   noodled doodled voodoo
   pun soup.

   written a few hours ago
   in honor of
   jharrison [aka Mongrol]
   Mongrol [aka jharrison]

   the rest of the PC community
   whose great names i'm not
   able to mention in the piece

   and, of course,
   the baby kangaroo
   AKA mikebauer,
   trashpoodle &

   peace and love
   to you all,

       /   \

   : )

18 Mar 08

Rated 10 (6.8) by 4 users.
Active (4): 10, 10
Inactive (16): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


this is brilliant, a menagerie of poets, with their own voices, ideas and calamities. i like the title, the poetic damnation is a blessing though. admirable writing again. and funny :)
 — nisetru

Preachin' to the choir...
just an entertainment for cohorts
 — unknown

thank you so much, nisetru. those other great poets
not mentioned here are having their shots from the
vet but they make up this poetic zoo and affect one
another so they're very much reflected in and are
also the very reason for a username's progress or
demise. can you spot the names of the icons?
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks for reading, unknown.
you're very much a part of it.
cohorts are what we all are.
: )
 — fractalcore

we've got fun and games.
 — raskolniikov

L14-17 are my favourites. This is cool with a k and a cherry on top.
Huh? What's that bobby?...now what was I saying...fish in the sea, dishes in my head...

i like t.v.
 — DeformedLion

thanks, rask.
and freebies and surprises, too?
: )
 — fractalcore

i like tv too, DeformedLion.
why lines 14-17? just because "lion" is there?
yeah, his name is "Bob with the Dreds".
: )
 — fractalcore

What's that Bob, don't touch that dial.

lion- maybe. mostly I like the way it shakes its hips, L15 especially so.
 — DeformedLion

i ain't no touching no dial, bro.

slight change with lion's adjective there.
don't you think the title should be
: )
 — fractalcore

welp, a recent inclusion of the other
icons after a very [he]arty treat of
noodled doodled pun soup.

: )
 — fractalcore

hmm, i think that's more like it...
45 lines of funfair-fanfare...
.45 caliber writing enuff to blow
my head to bliss...

otherwise, you tell me what.
: )
 — fractalcore

Cool changes.
I like the wriggly bits the best. But then again, who doesn't?

Yay! my names there. Sweet!
 — DeformedLion

thought i only mentioned a sea lion but
yes, your name is there.

thanks for your poetry, dude.
: )
 — fractalcore

yes, well, i am definetely not a sea lion...wait, I'll go check...

 — DeformedLion

glad you're way over that thing called
identity crisis.

did it ever happen to you anyway?
: )
 — fractalcore

identity crises?     no. everything is copacetic.
 — DeformedLion

: )
 — fractalcore

oh you made some serious changes to the piece since i last saw it.. let's see. nice visual hot steam out of the cup effects, some new poets of the menagerie introduced onto the scene, which is good, cause they deserved :), but the best stanza edition is that of the seaNile lion, i just love it. good add the explanatory note.
 — nisetru

thanks, for the comeback, nisteru.
actually, it's a bowl of noodled doodled
pun voodoo soup. it's a [he]artsy treat
for [you] great poets or really just another
one of my attempts and which i hope does
not fall short...and if it does, this is the
best i can do so far.

so be it.
: )
 — fractalcore

great tribute and wordplay fractal
 — unknown

thanks very much, unknown.
happy to find you a great spot in there.
: )
 — fractalcore

haha, that's wicked!
loved it fract,
thank you!
 — jenakajoffer

we've got everything you want.
 — jenakajoffer

pleasure's mine as usual.
thanks for your poetry.
: )
 — fractalcore

: )
 — fractalcore

oh, thanks, unknown. whoever you are.
you dropped a 10 w/o any comment or
explanation whatsoever.

of course, thank you for your poetry, too.
: )
 — fractalcore

doesn't anyone like that strophe
where lizard-tails disengage?
: )
 — fractalcore

yeah, i think that strophe is kickass superduper.
 — jenakajoffer

ey, jen. i like it too.
but everyone else who's already
read it likes that one with the lion...
which i also like, hehe.

how's chloe and damian and you?
: )
 — fractalcore

aye, i like that one too
but i prefer the lizard~
we are getting along merrily!
thanks for asking,
i hope you R2.
 — jenakajoffer

i get by, yeah...

nice to hear from you again.
: )
 — fractalcore

you get by,
oh that sounds sad.
do you need a chin-up
 — jenakajoffer

thanks for the poetic salute even if it is voodoo poo poo
 — poetbill

give me an L, give me an Ohhh,  
what the V? Not the E...
geez, not even a clown could fake thoose tears
you sadman badman jazzman non-lion
open chord record on the repeat.
smile man you have 10's; I, i i i
I have little feet dusting up my soul;

smiley face ((-=). I'll get da mop.
 — DeformedLion

oh jenny, hehe, it's just an understated
happiness. i'm in good shape really.
but thanks though.
: )
 — fractalcore

hi, bill. thanks for stopping by.
now "foot" there doesn't really mean
"kick", yes? and you know it.

thanks for your poetry.
: )
 — fractalcore

DeformedLion, you silly one...hehe.
mops are still quite frozen this time
of the year, eh? now leave them alone
and write me another jazzpoem.
: )
 — fractalcore

http://w ww.poetrycritical.net/forum/read/129485/
 — unknown

oh thanks, unknown.
: )
 — fractalcore

i got it now.
: )
 — fractalcore

 — jenakajoffer

: )
 — fractalcore

but the italics don't seem to work.
: )
 — fractalcore

let me try
 — jenakajoffer

shit, it didn't work.
 — jenakajoffer

that's ok. it prolly won't work here in
the comment section.
: )
 — fractalcore

riiiiiiiiiight mr bigglesworth, i think you are correct.
have a great day fract, nice talking here today.
gotta run now.
i would like to see a fruit poem by you.
hehe, =-)
 — jenakajoffer

a fruit poem? well, i've mentioned light-yellow
apples in one piece though they're not really
referred to in the title.

might try one sooner or later. take care.
: )
 — fractalcore

I think the italics is just for author's intro/post-script
 — poetbill

yep, you're right, poetbill.

now this piece is at its fluctuating phase;
the rollercoaster phase is next.
: )
 — fractalcore

try to avoid vomit stage
 — unknown

it's inevitable...unless we cut the ride short
by jumping off straight to oblivion.

but i'm already dead and touching ground is
long overdue.
: )
 — fractalcore

stop making your inane comments. you are a real pest. go to bed. go home.
 — unknown

leave it alone
his comments are sweet
and nice
 — jenakajoffer

you're right, i should sleep now.
see you around, unk. and thanks
for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

im assuming fract,
that you are a boy.
 — jenakajoffer

lol, what else would i be, jenny?
and it's way past my bedtime really.
that's a wise suggestion from the great unk.

what's keeping you up aside from PC?
: )
 — fractalcore

wine! and i'm happy.
 — jenakajoffer

wow, some party you got there.
i find 1's lovely, don't you?

1 = singularity = ?
: )
 — fractalcore

yes i do in fract.
are you not tired?
 — jenakajoffer

oh i om tired matter-of-fractly.

"couch silver with two matched suns,
I stall for something you call inane
then noodle my doodled puns;
to err is human, to forgive is humane."
: )
 — fractalcore

when i first recognized you
i thought you were a she.
like when i wrote the 8ball for you
i thought you were a girl!
 — jenakajoffer

doensn't it make you laugh
that people here get so pissed off
when we talk about something besides the poem?
this is your poem, so i don't feel bad filling it up with this
 — jenakajoffer

it's ok. our profiles here doesn't have that
item requiring the person's sex/gender...
which is an easy thing to forge then gorge

and i'm straight...to the point, hehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

"come as you are" is the sign upfront.
and this is the kingdom we built for ouselves.

so chat away...
: )
 — fractalcore

well, i wonder where you are
that you should be going to bed.
for one thing.
 — jenakajoffer

i rarely have enuff sleep so...
: )
 — fractalcore

Hmm...I'm thinking of changing my name into happymule...sounds better!  Nice piece fract!  
 — happymole

hi. i think happymule suits you well.
nice of you to drop by. glad to have
found you a spot in this piece. isn't PC
some sort of a jungle?

i recall the last unknown exemplifying
and staying true to the mechanics of
the 4th strophe:

"piss overrides
the venom evolving;
shit solves the mystery
of lizard-tails

welp, it's all there really.
thank you for your poetry,
: )
 — fractalcore

now welcome to the jungle,
dear shapeshifter.
: )
 — fractalcore

1 = Singularity = Unknown
: )
 — fractalcore

i see you went nuts with the tags
"italicize" a bunch of space on your first line to alleviate the need for the *
very creative and fun thingamoboob!
 — chuckle_s

ey, chuck.  yeah, but i needed the greeting, *, upfront.
used to really spell out your username there but settled
for a hen's way of chuckling, hehe.

hope you don't mind and thanks for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

btw, all the tributes' titles i wrote are now in italics.
: )
 — fractalcore

some minor but important edits and add-its.
: )
 — fractalcore

  -- my pyjamas are dried now -- you've an interesting jibe jibbing the winding word with aDulterated for-more-can-hear heR'd ;-)

leered at Timothy Leary once and he sneezed
 — AlchemiA

thank you so much for your poetry
and wonderful comments, AlchemiA.
: )
 — fractalcore

some slight edit/add-it.
: )
 — fractalcore

welcome to the jungle, outerspace.
: )
 — fractalcore

an exciting visual concoction with some lovely nods and winks all wrapped in a bright thought..

.. made  me smile fractal, a joy as always to read

 — Mongrol

thank you so much, Mong.
: )
 — fractalcore

glad to have you in the jungle, grneyeddevil.
: )
 — fractalcore

and trochee, of course.
: )
 — fractalcore

and listen, too.
: )
 — fractalcore

Great poets all of them, different styles; but Kung-fu-break-em-down reigns supreme.
 — section4

yes, they are great. if we could only write like they but
it's important that we find our own voice, right?

thank you so much for reading and the kind words.
: )
 — fractalcore

mindless, suck-ass poetry.
 — unknown

hmm, thanks, unky.

did it suck your ass bad?
you're very well in the piece.
: )
 — fractalcore

welcome to the jungle, banditfemme.
: )
 — fractalcore

 — unknown



i dunno
where too place
duh swine hear --

just fined yore-self
uh pen may-bee end
pen yore-self inn-two
duh pick-chew-her, eh?

well, just bumping, hehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

 — unknown


: )
 — fractalcore

just found the time to add up
the great Cadacus to the list.

thanks for your poetry, dear sir.

; )
 — fractalcore

bumpeetee day, everee-one.
; )
 — fractalcore

hey fract, sure missed this poem
and you
and this place at times
hope you're well, sending my hearts
and 8-ball dreams your way
 — unknown

Very enjoyable read.  I even like how you slipped Kurt Cobain in there too.  Nice tribute.
 — JKWeb

ey, unkle jen, how ewe bean?
sew ewe want unk's peace of the
tribute, two? hehe, tanks for stopping

and for the gneiss comment.

and, yeah, i don't miss you no more;
really gooed to halve your back,
er have you back.

; )
 — fractalcore

aww, thank you, mr JKWebster sir.

i tend to imagine myself being curt
with those bubble shades hopelessly
trying to hide my eyestory, er history --
my story @ 27.

still waiting for the next 27th year
benchmark. i'll see if i can finally sip
voodoo soup with good ol' jimi -- another
very curt individual, as we all know.

well, this is actually everybody's story
and our dear bower was still 'joey' [can
Gary hoot: kangaroo] then, hehe.

now i wonder how i can slip your name in.

; )
 — fractalcore

oh yeah, you're definAtely not the last name
to be inducted here, but it appears that you've
made a very early start in the piece, hehe.

also, i almost forgot to mention 'ka' there --
in memoriam.

: )
 — fractalcore


so JKWeb would see
how glad i am to have
found a place for his
name here

and also for Morcius to
see and know how big
his... uhm... names mean[s]
to poetrycritical.

; )
 — fractalcore

i miss outerspace.
 — jenakajoffer

I remember when this was first posted and i was one of the unkowns.
You have a style that is just your'es.

P.s For Thirty Tree you smell a bit fact.
 — unknown

i miss chuckle_s.

: )
 — fractalcore

i miss Aziel.

: )
 — fractalcore

i miss OKcomputer.

: )
 — fractalcore

i miss slancho
 — jenakajoffer

i miss mikkirat
 — jenakajoffer

i miss lzug the most
 — jenakajoffer

yeah. what happened to his profile page?
so one can actually have his acct deleted?

i miss listen, too, by the way.
: )
 — fractalcore

 — mandolyn


mandolyn, i miss the rubber, hehehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

angry! i can't believe it!

--listen (who is at the gym and outraged because he wanted to read something calm from Fractalcore and read something unlike Fractcalcore is it revenge for a lost long relative? anyway, no proof it's me,  but i haven't logged on lately because i've been drained by this site and for goodness sake i don't know why, i was TRYINg to help and it always turns out stupid. hmmm. well, you can't know it's me an email me and i'll prove it was me after all. i like to inhabit this site because i believe that i have something to contribute ...)

(the poet that never learns how to stop. with his CHARacters, whatever those might be ...)
 — unknown

if you find 'poetry', you find yourself as 'poet'. then, all that means is that you always are on to help, because every time you talk to help you help yourself write again.

it's not about you, it's about the crucible.
 — bmikebauer

hi, unk [or listen[?]].

is it ever easy for f*ck-ups like us here to keep our calm?
wow, you're in the gym right now flexing your brain muscles?
so you've found a better alternative to PC, huh?

the attempts at writing a poem are always draining. reading
a poem is just as draining, too. and writing a comprehensive
critique? i dunno about that really.

the attempts at helping other people out via comments/critique
never come to naught, in most cases. so get your **s back here
after your gym session, hehe.

btw, this post was never for getting back at anyone in particular,
if you're familiar with me.

thanks for [always]

: )
 — fractalcore

or about the screw in the icicle, mikey?

the shhh'crow ease melting in the eye-sick-ill.
; )
 — fractalcore

proud to have finally found a place for
jharrison here; Mongrol had his rightful
place here more than 2 years ago when
this was [first] written.

yeah, i know, it's quite unfair to others,
but the Mongrol-jharrison phenomenon
is a tandem with a well-defined schism
akin to that which distinguishes jackal
from ape.

this write undergoes its own evoliton as
the ape in me does its ape-volition in
consonance with the current conditions
in the PC environment.

so, yeah, mor[e] too calm in the seizures,
er seasons.

yours trolly,

charles eppes darn-win

; )
 — fractalcore

i mean, Mongrol has been inducted here
for more than 2 years now, hehe.

yours trolly,

charles epes darn-win
30 oct 2010

; )
 — fractalcore



; )
 — fractalcore

quantoom boompfh...

; )
 — fractalcore

also, you're in |11, mr_e.

; )
 — fractalcore

mr_e is loved.
he just needs to show up more often.
 — unknown





yours trolly,

charles eppes darn-win

; )
 — fractalcore

shameful bump, but i do miss the poets
mentioned in this piece.

yoohoo... where are you, guys?

 — fractalcore

I think more than half of those poets made new accounts.
 — unknown

yes, that's very likely.
 — fractalcore