poetry critical

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musik for lions and squares

deaf lion--
can't hear the musik
through the trees,
the oodles, noodles; the cock caw
of Mother Dark
sparking Tuesday into Wednesday.
               playwithplastik phone
dial(ogue)ing number to home.
deliver us from evil...no, sorry, pizza.
deliver us some pizza.
i have seen yesterday in the restive hands of
an old lady; we think she is meaningful; she is.
hurts my heart, you know, all that cheese, bacon,
tomato...mmm, i tipped the driver.
20 cents. my pocket, owwww, it screams
                                   [oh dee dab dee da, la]
s'pose that's what i get for being generic,
                  "yeah, dude".
hidey  hidey  ho.
                 shouldn't  shouldn't  go
on a
    goggle eyez'd get angry   spit out the spoon.
    jimmy jones, bless his soul, us and them--
    but him, he's still looking for a razor for the
    forest on his face,
                       whispers, tinkles; musik.
    melody streaming from the buzz of flowers,
    bees circling the sun, river weeps on the piano's
    porch. i dream this dream through the everglades, the circles on the stump, the rings, the oak and eucalypt. i seem to think, but not. caught   in nature;
feel the knock on my door--
enters song, gaily strides in, shining a thousand faces...
and i am here, so deftly rapt. bent. And every breeze
is worth a kiss.

20 Mar 08

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funny in a interesting way
 — unknown

yeah, i know, thanks.
 — DeformedLion

way to go, DeformedLion!
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks fractalcore for the favourite.
 — DeformedLion

Your dad pays good money...no, just kidding. or am i?

I am pretty tired of you shapeshifter...got be chivalrous at an abortion clinic or something.
 — DeformedLion

all you ever bloody do is wank off with your teeth...its a discipline sure, but not conducive to good critique or, even, shit critique...just the stuff that comes out and you squint over trying to find your 'jesus' in the rot, the slag, the refuge.

your worse than a mormon. deal with that.
 — DeformedLion

see what I mean?

He uses this place as his own personal chamber pot. When really, he just wants to be kool but doesn't know it yet.
 — DeformedLion

so, shapeshifter, anything to say on the poem? Have you ever actually read a poem?
 — DeformedLion

it's a little berzerk for me
a little OCDeformedLion,
but there are some cute dinglehoppers floating around here
that i did enjoy-
like the pizza bit and the forest on his face, and others.
 — jenakajoffer

I love this.
 — CrudeEcstasy

dinglehoppers is new one for me, thanks jen

and thankyou CrudeEcstasy.
 — DeformedLion

holy beard of zeus! this is superb! man, you have smart neurons in your brain.
thanks for this.
 — alambre

Clever cutesy blather with moments of brilliance.
 — grneyeddevil