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Full on the Hill

the Yogi is breathless again:
         blades of green
           slice through
          beams of gold
:the Phoenix has just left Its

written about 13 years ago
reshuffled 3/24/08

21 Mar 08

Rated 8 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (5): 1, 9, 10, 10, 10

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 — DeformedLion

why, how would you spell it?
: )
 — fractalcore

no, i was wondering what it was...shouldn't it be capped? and what's with the "It's"?

first three lines are nice.
 — DeformedLion

ok, it was the original idea but i thought
it was giving it too much importance...
but i'm reverting.

"Its" for "the Phoenix's" grave being not
the typical one.
: )
 — fractalcore

the first three lines make out a beautiful simple scenery - golden light and green grass, for the physical and spiritual motion and emotion of the last two lines. beautiful poem
 — nisetru

welp, it looks very simple on the surface, nisetru.
the first 3 lines being a haiku in a non-japanese
form, or just a simple imagery which is stunningly
clear at the moment of the experience. the Yogi and
the Phoenix there are actually one and the same...
breathless but very much alive as if seeing beauty
for the very first time.

thsnk you again for your kindness.
: )
 — fractalcore

Excellent use of brevity.  
 — Isabelle5

thanks, Isabelle5.
: )
 — fractalcore

short but sweet fractal
 — unknown

thank you, unknown.
: )
 — fractalcore

nice oldie fract.
love the scenery you've painted
so simply.
i find "just" too much in L5, personally.
i don't really find the title as beautiful as the poem
perhaps because i don't understand its significance.

lovely poetry anyway.
 — jenakajoffer

fract, you did italics here, so you must know something??
 — jenakajoffer

um, did you mean "unknown" in italics?
that was an actual unknown comment, jen.

i wrote this on a hill in our unversity premises.
i think the Beatles had a song called Fool on the
Hill and this one is the positive counterpart of it
due to that fulfilling moment or very immediate
clarity and/or envigoration...and thus the term
: )
 — fractalcore

The poem is ok although considering the subject matter, it doesn't seem to have enough oomph for me. I feel like it lies flat in the end like a black + white photo of an important historical event. It's still valid and accurate. It just doesn't pop out in full 3d colour.
Meh, it could be my mood is just flat. Either way, if you really wrote this in preschool, I'm very impressed. :)
 — unknown

thanks, unknown.

it's quite hard to equate bliss to hysteria
although vigor may be well-nit with the latter.
: )
 — fractalcore

well-knit, that is...

having the low-key easter blues, eh?
; )
 — fractalcore

thank you for reading and commenting on my poems
 — unknown

It's perfect!  I guess the Yogi, or perhaps the Phoenix, or maybe both of them represent yourself.  Seems to me that your poem is about the rebirth of a guru/master after appreciating the ornaments setforth by the Universal oneness.  But what took you so long to see such...well...whatever...it's a 10!  :)  Great work fract!
 — happymole

Oh!  I'm sorry fract!  Thought you just wrote this.  Well, 13 years is long enough...so you're probably on your early 30's, unless of course your self-imposed Yogi state (hehe) happened during your birth. :)
 — happymole

ey, unk! pleasure's all mine.
didn't you tell me not all has been
done yet at least poetically? truth
is we're just improvising on the same
old truth over and over in different
styles/musics. got the rest of my
present manifestation for the rest
of your art.

thanks for the beauty you exude.
: )
 — fractalcore

hi, happymole! good to hear from you
again. it's always hard for me everytime
i make an attempt at art 'coz i lose all
sense of time/age/etc. everything just
goes null. i become null and void and
speechless in trying to say something
of value. oftentimes i feel i'm talking to
nyself which is good at the very least...
everything other than that and thereafter
is icing on the cake.

thank you for your appreciation.
: )
 — fractalcore

what do you think of the new haircut?
: )
 — fractalcore

Much better, good edit.
 — DeformedLion

thanks, DeformedLion.
i removed the tilting title stance.
it's fun; you can try it.
: )
 — fractalcore

i'm sorry, i just didn't understand it
 — unknown

it's ok, unknown.
i often don't understand many a poem
i read here...and i learn everyday.
we just never gotta stop trying.

thank you so much for taking the time.
: )
 — fractalcore

Losing sense of time/age shows that you know much about existence...it's eternal (as they say...and I agree of course).

The irony, however, is living your life the way your folks/friends designed you to...otherwise, you'll starve to death...yes, death...which is a phony word.  I wonder who invented such term.
 — happymole

well, Gawd is phony.
: )
 — fractalcore

Gawd exists...because I exist...as you exist...and the 'illion people in the universe.

 — happymole

exactly but Gawd deserves all the adjectives
ever imaginable including "indescribable".
: )
 — fractalcore

I=Gawd;   Gawd=everything;    everything=nothing;   

so I=nothing

 — happymole

and everything's there in nothingness.
peace in poverty...
: )
 — fractalcore

this isnt a horrible little haiku-ish poem...... i kind of like it actually

but why did you tell us that you wrote it 13 years ago......everyone on this site seems to say things like i wrote this years ago/i wrote this in like two minutes/my friend wrote it.....as if its some sort of disclaimer they can point to in case the online public criticizes it. Own up to your poems for what they are. Good or Bad.

I just heard maya angelou on the radio today say that she has written some of the worst poems ever written her side of the mississippi.
 — joshcoops

hi, joshcoops. i was rather proud to post this
oldie here, hehe. if you notice, i always footnote
the [approximate] birthdates of my writings.

surely, i'd be info-overloaded if i were to give my
look-up list of great names like ee cummings,
maya angelou, morgan gibson, john donne, khalil
gibran, et al.

thank you for your appreciation
and for your poetry.
: )
 — fractalcore

...if i were to give them an actual look, that is, hehe.

; )
 — fractalcore