poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Spine of the Lion
DeformedLion

i.
 1
The return of the
 2
Dark little spoon this
 3
Side of the galaxy was
 4
of little importance, said
 5
the Lord of All things.
 6
(Moon not withstanding)
 7
 
 
ii.
 8
There was a gaping fissure,
 9
Darkness crawled in, went up,
 10
Sideways through the gutter pipe,
 11
off central, co-ordinating efforts with
 12
the man with the golden
 13
Spoon; ate his brains, spooned him. Yeah.
 14
 
 
iii.
 15
There! In the backyard is
 16
Darkness creeping like a shadow crab,
 17
Sideways scuttle, fencing
 18
off with some nosy penguins, eagerly
 19
they come to peck, all of 'em bloody
 20
loons! Not too soon the sun will set
 21
(& darkness melts into itself).
 22
 
 
iv.
 23
Them of people into two, into
 24
Ark they go. Four
 25
Sides to the truth and six
 26
of lies and all eight of
 27
their children have flown into a crystal
 28
Sun, to dance with shadowed ten.
 29
 
 
v.
 30
Them not us, a gigolo in the sky;
 31
darkly, dancing without feet. One-
 32
side story of the fly learning to "..."
 33
off the clock into the ticking swimming pool.
 34
The madman laughs, eclipsing the sulking
 35
moon sinking into the sea; drowns.
 36
 
 
vi.
 37
THE screaming woman has found her DARKened treasure and all of this is but an aSIDE to that sad man jazz man, copasetic, OFf to spend his cash in a place foundered on THE brain damaged dream of dreams, float then into the MOON. we are all just ordinary men; eclipsed in two shades of black.
 38
 
 
vii.
 39
The line yet drawn, in drama
 40
Dark & held by suspicious hands, hair falls.
 41
Side & sin of the same, for clowns
 42
Of tearful bright approximation whilst
 43
The old man snores, dreaming so soundly of the
 44
Moon-- she crumbles into daylight mocking.
 45
 
 
viii.
 46
Wish and dust of one, though
 47
You would mostly say otherwise, to be sure
 48
Were you even slightly sane, even remotely,
 49
Here would be the hammer for your head.
 50
 
 
ix.
 51
momentary. the sun. the dark. the breath
 52
lapses, reaches zenith, omega. circle
 53
of cruel proportions-- we start to finish. Only
 54
reason for the air; i say. i said.
 55
 
 
x.
 56
Set the tone, "hush"; little darling--
 57
the sparrow has no song for you, remote
 58
controls found lacking- mute return-
 59
for the fish gurgles in the waters while
 60
the water gurgles in the fish. My
 61
heart is not for me. "Oh". A woman
 62
of god would never ever, no!
 63
the devils hands are cupping that folksy
 64
sun, hoping for some tone. tonic.
 65
 
 
xi.
 66
shine the shoes, fly
 67
on the bathroom steam, I know
 68
you, you are but the dream--
 69
crazy yet full of precious piss, like
 70
diamonds in the rough; sparkling.
 71
 
 
xii.
 72
welcome, do I know you? ephemeral
 73
to the touch, stop-watch quick and in
 74
the village pub they call you "Pink".
 75
machine wrought; spun from spider's silk.
 76
 
 
xiii.
 77
Have you seen a dove?
 78
a dove? Yeah, white, wispy.
 79
Cigar breath inside me skull.
 80
 
 
xiv.
 81
wish the wish upon you.
 82
you the wish upon you wished.
 83
were I the wish I'd be wished.
 84
here the wish, see the wish, be the wish. wisher.
 85
 
 
xv.
 86
Shine inside, lungs sprinkle love
 87
upon the silver sky-- bent sight to
 88
you: floating on the edge of a sword.
 89
Crazy, no? But I am sure. These
 90
diamonds bleed like ice.
 91
 
 
xvi.
 92
another, no the other, thick as a
 93
brick; two words in- one
 94
in the vagina another in
 95
the ass of this post-menstrual
 96
wall, err, communist. hiss.
 97

21 Mar 08

Rated 10 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (6): 1, 4, 8, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(364 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Mostly a writing expirement undertaken about 3 weeks ago...with all 'poems' appearing in the order they were written, and (mostly) appearing as they were conceived-- unedited, and quite bad.

Also serves to get across my love of Pink Floyd...might add more to the list as I write them. And, yeah, I know I cheated on a few.
 — DeformedLion

nice one. looking forward to its
evolutionary phases.
: )
 — fractalcore

good experimental words.
 — raskolniikov

23-03-08.
Added parts xi-xv.
 — DeformedLion

Woohoo! a 4--

well, i sorta agree.
thanks
  my dear,
   life:
    what a drag.
     large bulge,
       aint no gun.
       bangbang!
 — DeformedLion

sp. L21 "too"  not that that is the first thing i want to say, i just saw it and had to write it down before finished the poem, and forgot.  

wow, i hate reading long things like this, but i when i read the comments and saw the take on floyd, i thought i had better read it.
sis and i were recently talking about 'pink', that it's the best band ever, if we were asked.  then we said metallica, but regardless, both guitar heros, vocal wizards (waters, not gilmore) and they smoke any of these newer groups.

sorry to go on.  nice experiment, but too long, by half.
=-)

i am inspired by this,
it gives me insanity that i don't really need-
but perhaps i do, in order to write the poem of my grandad who is the epitome of 'nobody home'.
 — jenakajoffer

Yeah, well it's an expirement...and i shall keep on adding to it as i please...mostly to see if there is any development within the form...
too long, probably...its a collection, you can read what you want...

but mostly i am annoyed you mentioned metallica in the same paragraph as Pink Floyd....grrrr.

no. meow. thanks for the comment Jen, its much appreciated.
 — DeformedLion

Personally, I think xv. is a pretty good poem.
 — DeformedLion

coke? no. i'm sponsored by Red Bull...it gives me wings...so i can fly over you and shit on your head. you stupid fat piece of lard.
 — DeformedLion

Added part xvi. as of 27-03-08, written on the 26th. Originally all in red.
 — DeformedLion

sorry but vi was too obvious
and the dark repetition toward the beginning would almost be annoying were it not for the rebel forces sipping cocoa on hoth
 — chuckle_s

oh yeah
until cb died metallica was the shit they broke more fucking ground than floyd could travel in a tour bus  
 — chuckle_s

broke ground doing what?   building a sewerage system thinks me.


yeah. vi. is annoying...but I don't feel like I should exclude anything just because it is bad...and I have some feeling about the dark repetition.
 — DeformedLion

same*
 — DeformedLion

i thought you hated the moon linus?
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

yeah, i still do Jen. In this context I am not really using the moon...its already there I just have to work with it...we must all make sacrifices for the sake of...things.
 — DeformedLion

yeah, i figured it wasn't an emotional move.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

shine in you crazy DeformedLion -- the experiment gets outta the linearity of thinking program and so liberates the reader to unexpected segues of off the beaten metaphor realities -- rather a commingling of verities in waves off the page -- the insane of words figuring out -- experiments like this are grist for the mill of the Poems that come --
 — AlchemiA

No, you can but it makes you look and sound like an idiot.
 — DeformedLion

ugly insults?
 — DeformedLion

Wow, I really like this one, Isabelle.
 — unknown

I am so pleased i wrote this, or began it...i am now thinking that perhaps it is time to continue on with it...thinking Frank Zappa would be the perfect muse.
 — DeformedLion

0.332s