poetry critical

online poetry workshop

~Four Sharks and Yellowed Grays

It's been long since
the sun rose westbound.
Only fleeting reminders  
remain on the hallway walls,
in the crayolaexplosionsof
a four year old.
Nothing goes nowhere
never anymore.
Rainbows turning, fell and
broke the sky.
But the sky was never here
nor there.
Mud bombs
smear the innocent.
I fear the stick and rock
wielding terrorists.
Their words,
shatter my bones.
Death jumped out into
the waters, quite forgotten
and largely disliked.

27 Mar 08

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (2): 8, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(22 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Cool I liked this a lot...especially the numbers. Felt like jazz for kids or something.
 — DeformedLion

Thank you good sir. It was a spur of the moment decision, starting with the 575 to better point out that the last part was in haiku form. Glad you liked it.
 — unknown

mild edit.
 — unknown

Bigger edit.
 — EpicPants

: )
 — fractalcore

Thank you good - wait I said that to DL. I hate to sound repetitive.
I appreciate your favourite, comment and rating, and value you as a dear friend?
Yes. There, I haven't used that yet.
 — EpicPants

Edit: expanded on title as per poem content. Better?
 — EpicPants

what is there at (0,0)?

a haven big enuff for the whole universe.
: )
 — fractalcore

and also small enough to accompany the nothingness of extinctions.
 — EpicPants

if 0 were nothingness and 1 its antithesis then
why 1 = 0 + 1 ?

or for that matter:
2 = 0 + 2; 3 = 0 + 3; and so on...?

so there's more than 1 antithesis to nothingness?
and how can 1 thesis called nothingness have
more than 1 antiheses?
: )
 — fractalcore

Because I said so.

I didn't state zero as nothing, I said that nothing [not descriptive of a comparison, ie not 'not everything'] can fit in a zero zero coordinate as well as the complexities of the universe.

As for all this antithesis mumble jumble, two and up are just multiples of the antithesis that is one. Saying that two is an antithesis is saying that one is the antithesis, twice. If you get my ramble.
 — EpicPants

(0, 0) is dimentionless, yes?
and quite omnipotent and
omnipresent, too.

even zero is dual, bipolar, binary.
it accompanies all multiples of its
antithesis and their negatives.

Singularity is a trickster, yes?

i'm talking nonsense again, forgive
me. i need more of this kind of
poems, my friend. write on.
: )
 — fractalcore

It is entirely alright, I share the same dementia
[unless you choose offense at my word choice]
as you.
It's fun talking to someone with the intellect
different way of thinking etc that I appreciate
and attempt to possess.

I'll do my best to make more comment-worthy poems.
I'm not overly conventional as you may have noted.

You and I should collaborate one day
and work to word the wonders of zero in poetic form.
 — EpicPants

that's a very good idea, EpicPants,
though you'll have to wait forever
before i get to that ripe-enough state
to be of any help to you...or myself.

but i'll try to make my evolution quick.
: )
 — fractalcore

Fractalcore evolved into a Zerocore!
Wait, what level do you have to be to evolve?
How many experience points have ye?
 — EpicPants

truth is we remain the same and unchanged
but undergo the regimen of evolution at the
surface. always anc[h]ored onto the core is
what we all are...same old new crap.
: )
 — fractalcore

Your trooth is quite deep.
I was just playing pokemon red on my ipod
[its fun OK?]
so, yeah.
 — EpicPants

good for you. i got a very old GameBoy which
i haven't touch for like ages. serves as my TV
too -- if i have the time, that is.
: )
 — fractalcore


my grammar is a disaster today. sorry.
: )
 — fractalcore

I loves my iPod.
Since I put linus on it it does all my bidding.
[I'm starting to sound geeky now.
 — EpicPants

Lucy and the Peanuts would not be pleased.
 — EpicPants

cool. is Linux still free to date?
: )
 — fractalcore

For computers?
Most are, I mean, that was the intent was free OS.
But I think some you have to pay for.

For iPods.
Yes. Free as a nudist's d-, uhm.
Yes, very free.
 — EpicPants

minor edit.
 — EpicPants