poetry critical

online poetry workshop

at the revival

last night i dreamed and
you were there. dancing at the revival,
i was overtaken by the spirit.
it didn't end there--
keeping the neighbors awake with our noise,
we dance and sing until dawn because
i found you again and
you washed over me like
water on the baptized;
i am saved.
eyes wide open,
sheets tangle in my awakening.
light filters though the window,
curtained by broken blinds.
the bed is empty.
last night i dreamed and
it didn't end there--
i found you again and
i am saved.
eyes wide open,
light filters though the window.

31 Mar 08

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nice poem.
 — hank

Line 3 - I was overtaken, not overtook.

This is so romantic and kind.  I like the 'water on the baptized' line.  
 — Isabelle5

thank you very much!

isabelle, thanks especially for the correction. fixed it ;)
 — fishwife

wow, that was surprisingly hateful.

not that it matters, but i've recently read the qur'an and, as a christian, can still say that it was the most beautiful and poetic books i've ever read in my life.
 — fishwife

sweet nostalgic feeling.
: )
 — fractalcore

I love it
 — tiedtoes