poetry critical

online poetry workshop



the shortest distance for point A to B is a crooked line
fractalcore

*
 1
 
 
m i c r o v i t u m
 2
burned
 3
two a half-life
 4
ease a
 5
hoaxprettymocked
 6
 
 
 
 
 
 
l i k e
 7
 
 
space
 8
 
 
 
 
 
 
r c      e n
 9
e  u   v   t
 10
e    m    a
 11
s           d
 12
 
 
 
 
   o c r i s
 13
m
 14
e
 15
   n a v y
 16
 
 
 
 
    e t a g
 17
d
 18
n
 19
    e v e r
 20
 
 
 
 
 
 
ever
 21
tai-chi’ng
 22
ground
 23
 
 
fingers in gitarseholes
 24
sax n' violins
 25
 
 
to
 26
Atlantis
 27
and
 28
back
 29




*  aka E = mc^2

written a few hours ago
and there used to be a
longer footnote here

forgot to say the title of this piece
was inspired by the piece @
http://poetrycritical.net/read/47279/
thanks, varun.
: )

2 Apr 08

Rated 10 (8.2) by 2 users.
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Inactive (5): 1, 2, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

no idea what L8-19 are saying...but, you know, this is k o o l.
 — DeformedLion

ok thanks...please remove the footnote bit.
 — DeformedLion

thank you so much, unk.
you're very kind.
: )
 — fractalcore

DeformedLion, thank you as well.
: )
 — fractalcore

i like it very much, the spacing, and especially the last part. (it's said that in art, and especially in writing, to reach from a point A to a point B you must use anything but a straight line)

hmm. now that i know what microvitum is, i love it, the whole poem
 — nisetru

ooh.... you're a big fan of e.e. cummings, I bet. Well this is neat. It seems you're very fond of substituting words for syllabic approximations, as you've done in other works as well, this is clever and fun but it makes the meaning a little... inaccessible? I'm not sure at times which words are the ones you're intending to be read as meaningful and which are tromps, tricks and phonetic phonies. Still, pretty cool, I guess it's deep, but I'd like it better if the E=MCC concretion were of clearer relation to the content. Maybe it's just too obtuse for me to figure out right now, but I'm hesitant to rule out spurious motives. My first thought was "are you high?" but I do like this poem, it is interesting and bears closer examination, and it led me to look up Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar for more info on the cosmology angle.
 — unknown

hi, nisetru. i guess your comment on art is
very true. thank you for your kindness.

...namaskar...
: )
 — fractalcore

unks, i'm not really familiar with ee cummings -- or
any great poets of the past -- but i'll check on him
when i have the time. being likened to him is a huge
compliment although i'm not really worth it.

any attempt i make here takes a lot of struggle and
thank you so much for your appreciation.

so it's the unknown stalking the unknown now?
easy, ladies and gents...
: )
 — fractalcore

the straight line would've been the easiest way out [or in]
missing the sharp curves and corners and turns and twists.

but life is hard and we all get used to it one way or another.

...namaskar, all...
: )
 — fractalcore

:-(
 — happymole

happymole, be happy, ok?
: )
 — fractalcore

Is there any, or at least one reason for me to be happy?  Happiness and loneliness both mean the same thing anyway.  I'm numb to yet another declaration.  

I find your poem insignificant.  Why do you need a (crooked) line to connect points A and B when both are just but the same points?  What makes you different from me?  If you can give me an answer to this, then maybe your poem can be considered relevant.

Questions:  

1.  What will you do if you've been feeling empty your whole life?  For decades, you've tried to search for the reason why you're breathing even if you don't find it necessary but you end up asking the same question after another decade.  

2.  You thought you're home when you're in the arms of the person whom you value most...but when you searched for what's real, you realized that you've always been carrying an untouched heart because your real home is with pain and loneliness...how are you going to tell your partner about this?

Maybe I can be happy if I find the answers to these questions...but as I've said happiness and loneliness are just but the same.  + or -...regardless.
 — happymole

i love this, for a shape poem, for everything. this is really smooth, i must say. and, innovative, which is hard to do sometimes, as we struggle to be original.

the titles of your poems suggest there is a depth to your work, beyond the already required depth. i would say you attempt to shape the definition of poetry to a stretch that hasn't been reached before, breaking ridiculous rules as you go along. (and i mean that in all positive honesty.)

i also like the slight pessimism in the title. i dare say, it is beautifully ironic.
 — listen

fractal please give us a bio about you

youre so out there i d like a chance to stereotype you
 — unknown

...namaskar, happymole...

if point A = point B then all possibilites open up
and the need for a crooked/straight line would
be ridiculous. i think what part of this piece tries
to say is:


"the straight line would've been the easiest way out [or in]
missing the sharp curves and corners and turns and twists.

but life is hard and we all get used to it one way or another.

...namaskar, all...
: )
— fractalcore           [!]\"


there is no demarkation line between me and you
and everything else. if you tell me you are God
then i'll believe you with all my being -- will even
do so before you ever feel the need so say it.

God has spun a labyrinth of mysteries for Him to
frolic into, playing dumb and sad and frustrated.
He's quite a guy, you know. Of course, He knows
Himself pretty well ugly.

God gambles against Himself and He always wins;
so what you're into right now is just a phase that
you can laugh about when all the dust has settled
somewhere else.

and don't they say God is Love? well, they can never
be more right...and they'll never know the gravity and
veracity with which they speak. to make it short, you
are loved beyond your sadness and emptiness...more
than you'll ever know. you may not believe it at
this point but you will see sooner or later.

: )
 — fractalcore

listen, thank you very much for your kindness.

it's just the simple fractalcore trying to say
something in his own voice with all the honesty
he can muster. i get my inspiration from all of
you great poets here so i owe it all to you and
the Universe.

thank you for your poetry.
: )
 — fractalcore

unk, thanks for stopping by.

a bio? all my writings here are ME, that's all.
i've been strutting around here barenaked
since day one. so please excuse the rashes
on my butt, ok?

seriously, my poems are me.
that's all.

: )
 — fractalcore

are you on drugs? what makes you think you have any clearer insight than anyone else?  we can free you from your compound just let us know.

i dont care for love i dont need love. why must this always be the issue for insecure humans who cannot deal with uncertainty.
 — unknown

Hi unknown.  I never knew that talking about love is only for those who are drug (ab)users.  CAn you, at least maybe for once, clear your mind from your own insights and try assessing the points raised by other people without being judgmental?

Fractalcore is just opening the way to his core for us to take a peep on what's within him but he's not, in any way, forcing us to see things the way he does.  If you think that poets like fractalcore or myself are dwelling into some insecurities just because we discuss stuffs about love, then the same is happening to you.  Try to digest the meaning of one specific line in his comment:  there is no demarkation line between me and you and everything else.  You are what other people are.

And as pointed out by the great philosopher Soren Kierkagard, "There are two ways of being fooled.  One is to believe what is not true and the other is to refuse to believe what is true."  Truth is never relative.
 — happymole

hi, unk. me never was a junkie, never will be.
just two puffs of the ganja in my entire pukin'
li--

was very happy climbing rocks of the great
Juan's-A-Cave with brandy and grass passed
around. i succumbed after their countless attempts
at tempting me but didn't feel any difference at all
after a couple of shots of the brandy.

i might just be talking nonsense again so don't
take me seriously. there's always a big chance
that i'm mistaken.

so...
: )
 — fractalcore

hi, happymole.

every appearance you make adds not only
controversy to an otherwise simple work but
also many colors in different shades, the wisdom
in your blows, bites, and stings, etc, etc.

thanks for defending my arse against the
mighty unk but can we stop all the kung-fu
fighting already?

i'm in the mood for dancing, hehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

btw, that Soren guy is another addition to my look-up list...
: )
 — fractalcore

Uh oh...Kung-fu fighting?  with unknown?  it's like kicking the wind's ass unknown remains to be unknown.  Well, I think I'll try tae-bo instead.  Better?   :)
 — happymole

very interesting poem....u from india fractalcore?and u mustve taken up science in high school or something....
 — freak88

the wind's ass? very funny, happymole, hehe.
i've heard tae-bo is good. yeah, sweat it out.
: )
 — fractalcore

hi, freak88. nice to have you here.

no, i'm not from india. i think varun is...
or joey...or gnormal...or AlchemiA, et al.
just namedropping, sorry.

i'm looking forward to seeing the signs
one of these days. thanks for dropping by.

: )
 — fractalcore

Hi freak88...just a bit curious...which part of the poem made you suspect that fract's from India?  :)
 — happymole

hi, happymole.

i prolly have a strange accent.
incidentally, lemme change the accent and/or
tone of the title a bit.

there.
: )
 — fractalcore

Hey fract, aren't you forgetting something?  How much are you willing to spend just to go to ATlantis and back?
 — happymole

happymole, point A = point B, right?
otherwise, a crooked line is what i am.
: )
 — fractalcore

For lovers (in Asia perhaps), what makes points A and B synonymous with each other is just a cellphone, you fool!  :(
 — happymole

Aren't you a crooked line yet?  
 — happymole

aren't we over the "india" fever yet?
hmm, cellphones can only be useful
with batteries fully charged.

the more crooked the line gets, the
closer it comes to being straight.
: )
 — fractalcore

ugh...esoteria and pretension leak into my eyes
 — unknown

you're so funny, unk.
: )
 — fractalcore

Unk's name could probably be Raven...  Hehe...
 — happymole

how do you mean it, happymole?

1 = singularity = Unknown

or sometimes 2...and they live by (twice) their anonymity
if not animosity.

but not all of them are like that.
: )
 — fractalcore

hmm...thought you were frm india cuz u greeted every1 with a "namaskar".....where u guys frm....
 — freak88

from around here, freak88.

are you from india? i'd like to see that place someday
and maybe climb the Himalayas and meet the Dalai Lama.

...namaskar...
: )
 — fractalcore

...and meet all the unknowns there, too,
right at the peak and see what human
stuff they're really made of.
: )
 — fractalcore

right...that is if they even could make it to the top.
: )
 — fractalcore

innovative, this is genius
 — markfelician

a circumvented seer has written in wit here -- fractalcore your MCC Musician -- e.e.FracturedWords at the core
 — AlchemiA

thanks, markfelician.
: )
 — fractalcore

thank you so much, AlchemiA.
: )
 — fractalcore

bumpeetee day, everee-one.
; )
 — fractalcore

ah yes.  cool poem.  I think I got the middle bit too.

circumvent
circumnavigated never

well thought-out and clever indeed.
 — JKWeb

:-]
 — unknown

the shortest distance between kisses is a tantrum leap of lips, hahaha...

:p
 — fractalcore

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