|"Seal-dianne's" (a) wand
"Seal-dianne's" (a) wand
with ivory-like peak,
shaved sideless milieu
creates a thunder and a click.
A basin of skin
with polished silver lining
feels every rhythmic
expanding and contracting.
From maple or hickory
or birch perhaps - ask a Fleetwood.
Just "seal-dianne's" wand
and I'll be in the mood.
***inspired by the works of fractalcore***
6 Apr 08
Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
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i like that word 'milieu"...
think L8 needs reworking...not really seeing the core in this. probably the best thing i have read all day though.
Oh thanks DL. Glad you liked this piece.
Hmm...will think about L8. You might wanna help me out...I'll be very grateful. :) I'm a beginner and I love it when you give criticisms (especially constructive ones).
hmm, very sweet of you, happymole.
this is amazing. if i'm not mistaken, you're
referring to Fleetwood the drummer and are
describing your Zildian drumsticks? i wouldn't
have been able to do it like you did it in this
you might wanna put a spce around the hyphen
very nice work.
ZildJian, i'm sorry.
very nice choice of words, too, happymole.
Thanks fract! There goes the space around the hyphen after "perhaps".
I've been trying to redo L8 (as suggested by DL) but couldn't find the right words...need some help here. Thanks.
may i suggest "reverb, reverberating"
for that? it's not that great a line but that's
how i'd describe the snare or any kind of drum.
Fleetwood Mac is a great band, btw.
Hmm...I dunno how to explain but you see, what I meant by rhythmic expanding and contracting is the 'beat'. The snare feels every beat of the (Zildjian) drumsticks but there's a metaphor there...I used expanding and contracting to describe the beat because I wanted to, in a way, show in my poem that every beat comes from the heart. I don't really know how to explain my thoughts here but I do hope that you now have a clue of what I am trying to say. :) But thanks for the suggestions, fract. :)
ok, so you can picture/present the heart
here as a reverberating organ then.