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I laugh when people ask if we're a couple.
dele

And yet...

I dreamed of you again last night,
 1
 
 
(in the sunlight of a summer woven by wishes and hewn of longing, we danced)
 2
 
 
Then I awoke in the twilight dawn,
 3
 
 
(the tide of sun washing away memories like patterns in sand, and I, salvaging what I could)
 4
 
 
Reality broke, and dream as I might,
 5
 
 
(of words and touches and promises I'll never know)
 6
 
 
In shadows I remain, to you silently sworn.
 7

10 Apr 08

Rated 10 (7.6) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (11): 1, 1, 2, 6, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(37 more poems by this author)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Beautiful. I relate to this
 — themolly

i like how you wrote this
lines 2-4 ... good sense of imagery

good job :)
 — chiq

Thanks! :-)
 — unknown

Excellent, the alliteration in line two really caught my attention. You really know how to control your flow, and the speed that it is meant to be read. I just ate it up. The parenthesis is a great way to seperate the dream-like thoughts from the more concrete imagery. However, the last line seems to be a bit of a letdown. The poem was so vivid and clear that I expected something more stirring or striking. But that's just me. I love it!
 — unknown

i love this.
 — lostkid

I hate it when really good poems don't have a known author. Is that bad? I want you to be proud of this.
 — themolly

Thank you all! In response to unknown's crit, I was struggling a little with the last line, as I wanted it to rhyme with line 3, but didn't want it to sound forced... I may try to improve it at a later date, when I read it with new eyes, as such.
And themolly, I'm basically a coward. Although when I've cleaned up some of my older poems, I might start posting under my old username :-)
 — unknown

I like the concept and the sentiment, but the words don't feel right to me. Only the title and first line seem natural. The other lines all seem forced, or as if you spent a lot of time searching for the lines to say what you feel.
 — wendz

That is true, wendz. Although strangely the title was the thing I thought most about. Thanks for your thoughts.
 — unknown

This is so beautiful - my only comment is maybe try line 5 in the present to change between dream and now - Reality breaks. I love this, hopeless, helpless romantic that I am.
 — opal

i disagree about the last line being a letdown. i think the last line seems very honest. this poem is very clever in the writing style. i adore it.
 — popyelle

I could drop dead of envy reading line 2...wish I'd lived it, wish I'd written it!

This is almost like reading mist at the edge of a Spring morning.  Lovely.
 — Isabelle5

Thanks for all your positive feedback, I really wasn't expecting it! As I say, I'll probably have another bash at this poem in a month or so, when its not so fresh in my mind :-)
 — unknown

I dreamed this. I lived it. I live it. I struggle.

x
 — musicwords

The images in this are first rate--so much said in just seven lines.
 — PaulS

you should write more often.
 — raskolniikov

Thanks, but I'm very, very rarely inspired.
 — dele

the title is good but it sounds forced.
 — unknown

Gee, outerspace, such eloquence.
 — dele

Simply the most beautiful and poignant poem I've ever read - thank you x
 — the_lost_one

This is very good. I can relate.
 — CNC92

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