|Touch Me (In A Sacred Place)
You smile at me.
I feel something beautiful.
I haven't felt this something
for an eternity, it seems-
Take my heart.
Touch me in a sacred place.
I'll let you come inside in time.
Right now the night is ancient
and I am feeling fragile.
Steal my heart.
Hear it beating.
Touch it, this sacred place
which once knew only trespass.
I smile back at you.
You feel something wonderful,
something you haven't felt in ages,
something that you want and need;
the one thing
that both frightens
and delights us.
16 Apr 08
Rated 10 (7.8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10
Inactive (10): 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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Wow, this is so romantic. Beginnings and the pheromones flow.
Oh, my gosh, I didn't even have a clue!
Surpriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise! T hanks, Isabelle. :-) I'll pick u up at 8. (wink)
there is a poem by Suzanne Somers called "Touch Me" that starts "Touch me in secret places" and I couldn't get past thinking of that poem, when I read this.
I found her book of poetry for $0.10 at a library book sale, and oh what a find it was! sometimes I just open it up and read a poem out loud and laugh and laugh.
I am not saying your poetry is laughable. But hers is.
Thanks for the hit, Ananke. :-) That has got to be the saddest thing for an author- knowing that the libraries are selling their shit for a dime. :-( I always think of Rod McKuen. I find his books at used for sometimes .75 cents. I didn't think Suzanne Somers had any secret places. Hehe. Thankfully I'm not blonde and even more so deeper that she could ever aspire to be. Starr don't do QVC, in other words. Have a good night. Thanks again for stoppin' by.
I don't think it's all that sad. I filled up an entire bookcase for a couple of bucks! And it was the last day of the sale so everything was 10 cents, great authors and suzanne somers alike :)
so beautiful, that is how a heart gives itself away when in love with another beating heart, lightly, sacredly, fully trusting, smiling.
This is cool. Love the internal rhythm. Very good. The only thing I'd consider changing is the last line. It didn't have the sizzle I wanted it to have. Maybe you could make it about both of you instead of just you...I don't know. I'll watch an see if you edit ;)
Thanks nisetru and themolly. Themolly, I changed it up a bit from 15-21 to incorporate the 2nd person a bit more and the "us" factor to close it out. Peace. :-)
you should remove "in time" and make it "me"...perhaps.
Leave 8 as it is , it works with 14 , although i don't like 14
Starr this reads as a womans voice wrote it , you big softy.
Hey, D.L. I'd rather keep L8 as it is as sir_I_clan suggests. Otherwise, it would take on an entirely "sexual" and "raunchy" kinda vibe. As for L14, sir_I_clan, hmmm...not sure where else I could go with this. I want to capture the essence of having given my heart away in vain. Thanks 4 stoppin' by, you guyz, and yes...I AM a big softy! I look ruff, but the insides are very tender. :-) I'll check back in once I get 2 work.
yeah, I didn't think you'd actually go for it. I just wanted to be the first to say it.
It takes a lot of heart to write something this good. Very nice work starr.
D.L., LOL , Paul, thank you for the very empowering comment and back to sir_I_clan, I just caught your comment about "reads as a woman's voice wrote it." What can I say? I really AM a diehard romantic. Thanks again, everyone 4 the positive feedback. Much obliged. Have a great day. :-)
"Starr this reads as a womans voice wrote it"...but isn't that kind of sexist? Implying that only woman are in touch with their true feelings, or something...
I also changed L14 from "which I have trusted to too many" to "which once knew only trespass." Hmmm...
How could it have gotten better? I thought it was already good but - better!
No worries, D.L. I took it as a compliment, but I can see your point. :-) And Isabelle...thanks again for your comments. You're certainly touched me (in a sacred place) over the past couple of years.
-- to lose myself in the beloved is the Sacred moment of touch like to kiss the beloved with the same kiss the beloved kisses me is the 'Sacred' kiss and here you have wrought it (wrote) it with fragility and bliss, yeah that kiss -- wondrously writ starr with your Sacred wit in it --
am i the only one to find this completely pathetic?
suzanne malveaux sommers
I'm watching u because I'm the only 1 who thinks you're pathetic.
AlchemiA and Frac, thanks for the sweet comments. :-)
I wanted to come back to this soon
I had read this before, Starr
and i have to tell you that i need to me in the righ mood to appreciate this.
I haven't been in the right mood until now.
very touching and personal. i love how your voice demands response from the reader, from the lover.
beautiful words my friend.
Thank you, Jen! It took a little while for me to get back to this. :-)
Its been said in the comments before, but this really is a sweet poe,. I like this a lot. Great work.
Inspire, you're sweet. Thank you. :-)
Here's MY Valentine's Day poem! :-)
yes, beLoved valenTine - cliche' is best served authentically...
very romantic and tender poem.
Thanks, Alch and Tandisol! Happy V-Day! xo :-)
This piece is really sweet, and it makes me think of the first time.
P.S. so you do like Rod Mckuen. =)))
LOVE Rod McKuen, majan! Glad u like this. It was actually the first time 4 ME when I wrote it in 1989. :-)
Thanks, unk.! Glad u like this. Happy Holidays! :-)
Wow! This is beautiful, and heavy. And something I haven't felt in "ages".
— sing like the Indians with their bhagwan songs, which move-us with the numinous in the language of devotion,
sing in the rhythm of a longing heart, swelling on the edge of forever,
sing with an ancient ache,
sing with yearning in the urge-to-merge,
sing into a whirl’d where you end and love begins …
Sing my dear-heart, oh sing
Thanks danny and Alch! Glad u both like this! :-)
This is wonderful!
Thanks, Wolf! Glad u like THIS ONE too! :-)
I feel something beautiful, touch me in a sacred place, I am feeling fragile, steal my heart, you feel something wonderful… I’m not trying to troll or be an ass, but these phrases are telling and border on cliché. I’m afraid the poem does not move me, and so I am at a loss as to how this became so highly rated. Maybe I’m the unsophisticated one. Sorry.
"Cliche" as MOST love poems are. Sorry it didn't move u like it did the others. :-)
If you're already satisfied with this, great, I don't want to badger, but MOST love poems are cliche? Not true. Absolutely not.
I'm happy with it. It's very old and one of the first poems I ever wrote for someone that meant something. We're talkin' 1989. I wasn't very seasoned then, but well on my way to better writing. :-)
You're not badgering tho. You're being honest and I love that in people. I also love Rumi, but could NEVER aspire to come as close in my own writings. :-)
Same here, Starr. Rumi is the daddy. If someone stole one of his poems and posted it here (and I didn't recognize it), it would seem old, but of course it wasn't old when he wrote it!
Eggs ZACHARY! ;-) LOVE ME some Rumidaddy!
I love this, I don't feel it's cliche just very blunt. Super sexy. Makes me want to know the author :]