poetry critical

online poetry workshop


     schizy's schism sharpens
        recalled, mind recoils
           end  the  toil, let
             d' wat'r down
                 the drain
                   a visit
              to the hermit
  age-less, want some[?] more
                    / \
               of the bliss:
         [E]@ the fractalc®e


   i need to buy me a new tent
  E = you = me = @ the core

      written a few hours ago

20 Apr 08

Rated 8.5 (8.2) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8
Inactive (9): 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(204 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


i like it very much
 — unknown

what i get from the poem is: a tired conflicted mind searching for peace, bliss
i like the last line, it can be read both as Email at... or as you said in the note, Energy
hmm sounds a bit like an epigram too.
 — unknown

1st unk, thank you.
: )
 — fractalcore

2nd unk, i'm just missing my hermitage
hence my need for a new tent.

last line could be read as

eat the fractalcore
at the fractalcore
energy at the fractalcore

and no hints @ emails whatsoever.
thank you for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

the only merit i see in this poem is the way the words flow- but that's trivial, as i can get no sense of a meaning whatsoever. oh and that ending line is just plain unnecessary, verging on annoying.
 — unknown

3rd, unk. why be jealous?
you are fractalcore, too.
: )
 — fractalcore

4th unk:
word meter is 3-3-4-3-2-1-2-3-4-3-3 if
that means anything to you at the very least.
and if bliss were to mean to anything to anyone
really, one had to really get to his core.

surely, he'd be coming back for more.
thanks for dropping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks for faving, nisetru.
: )
 — fractalcore

that "heart" in the triangle should be black[ened]
but i don't know how to come up with it so anybody
there who is familiar with the character, please help
me out.

thank you.
: )
 — fractalcore

ok, i think i got it now.
thanks anyway, folks.
: )
 — fractalcore

: )
 — fractalcore

is line 1 the infinity symbol? if it is, i like how you start this poem off with such a bold impression.
 — raskolniikov

Fact , its good that you tweaked it , can you move over line 2 , 10 and 15 , just so it is in line and the tittle , space it across.
 — unknown

hmm, i like the pyramid thing. looks kinda kool.
 — DeformedLion

thank you so much, rask.

yes, it's infinity @ the start
and in the end as well.
: )
 — fractalcore

unk, thank you, too.

i'm not sure what you mean with your suggestions
and this is so far the best i can do for the piece.
: )
 — fractalcore

hi, DeformedLion.

thank you for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

You're right...the poem is the poet himself. :)

Oh, what's with "d' wat'r"?  Why not "the water"? :)
 — happymole

hi, happymole.
pleasure to have you here.

\welp, that's to make the inverted cone
look as it should.
: )
 — fractalcore

oh ok.  Now I understand.  Thanks.  Great poem.  :)
 — happymole

...namaskar, happymole...
: )
 — fractalcore

Sambhalke rakhna apne aapko, fract!  :)
 — happymole

I mean apna kayaal rakhna, fract!  :)
 — happymole

um, my Indian vocabulary is very limited,
happymole. i will search for the phrase's
meaning when i got the time.

thank you for always stopping by.

incidentally, are you of Indian descent?
: )
 — fractalcore

i like very much the changes you've made on the visual aspect and the note of the poem. i also love the complexity of meanings.
 — nisetru

i think the poem would do better if it was written out in plain engligh without all the symbols, cos the actual content isnt bad.

far from being a 'bold impression' (13th comment above this one), i think starting a poem off with an infinity symbol is rather pointless and childish
 — unknown

...oh, and 'complexity of meanings', nisetru, or willful obscurity?
 — unknown

hello unknown
some people like pointless and childish. some people also like to belittle.
 — raskolniikov

nisetru, thank you so much for the kindness.
: )
 — fractalcore

raskolniikov sir, i appreciate the gesture.
: )
 — fractalcore

last "but not the least" unk, i like this piece very much
and let me tell you why:

the reader is offered an [extra] visual aid to enjoy
apart from and which is very identical in content
and intent to the text. you can look at it as quarks or
space particles or time-space warped, bent, or shrunk
at the vortex or wormhole or portal, i.e. "pay" = "death" =
"transition". or see it as an hourglass or funnel where
drops of Infinity spiral down like wat'r getting flushed
in the "toil-let" or going down d' drain....the microcosom
of how space particles behave in the macrocosom cosmos.

"[Infinite] [Self-]Love" is just the alter ego[ism] of Gawd
or Life or Eternity in the manifest world of constant change.
the title speaks about constant change and/or stunted change
plus an open invitation to the Core where Change never
actually occurs. this is like a person missing his hermitage in
the physical realm or Being missing its original abode.

the poem just found shape and finality here, unk, and yes
it may be a little obscure but it wasn't intentional nor willful
at all.

thanks for always stopping by.

: )
 — fractalcore

and the schism is the author's estrangement from
his tent and is his schizophrenia. (aren't we all autistic
and/or schizophrenic?)

also, the schism is that demarkation line between
the Ying and Yang.

: )
 — fractalcore

and it covers the meta- and physical aspects
in a word-metered environment.

: )
 — fractalcore

Hey fract, why waste your time explaining yourself to those who are afraid of standing up for their opinions?  :)
 — happymole

I'm not very particular about the origins of my folks...hmm...Indian, Spanish, Chinese, I don't care at all coz they're basically the same in my thoughts.  :)  But I'm fascinated with Sufis...I wonder where they are right now or if they still exist. :)  Any idea about them?
 — happymole

hi, happymole.
how are you today?

just had to say some stuff i needed to vent out.
i'm attached to this poem as i am with the rest
of my work.

anyway, what does "apna kayaal rakhna" mean?

thanks for always stopping by.

: )
 — fractalcore

your a genius fract :)
 — markfelician

your kindness overwhelms, markfelician.

i guess i just try to make my work look,
feel, and read right and honest to my
gauge which is my simple naked truth.

that's how hard i struggle and i'm glad
it means something to you.
: )
 — fractalcore

'take care'...there you go.  :)
 — happymole

i like your symbolism fract,
infinity and karma
equals something that was once important
in my life but i can no longer remember,

very pretty looking poem,
although a little "out there" for little simple
 — jenakajoffer

This means sod all to me!
 — unknown

so that's what it means?
ok, "apna kayaal rakhna"
to you as well.

selective memory? nice
to have you here and you're
one of the greats i'll never forget.

well yeah, there's a note of sadness
here and there, but that's nothing new
to poets/artists, correct? thanks for

: )
 — fractalcore

oh unky, you wrote "sod" and not "sad"!
i was reading your comment so hurriedly.
so which "sod" do you mean?
: )
 — fractalcore

hi, Ija.

thanks for stopping by but i'm not
familiar with [the] Glastonbury

: )
 — fractalcore

did i misspell microcosm and macrocosm here?
oh yes, i did. what idiocy. stown me to depth.
: )
 — fractalcore

how did i miss this kiss of infinite depth -- here you`ve drawn us towards infinity with the Heart forever longing always going hOMe --
 — AlchemiA

i dont know why you cant explain your poems.

i dare anyone to explain this
 — unknown

i agree with unk above i seem to get the general gist of these poems but i find specific understanding extremely lacking

i think this goes for most readers of this i have hardly seen any explanations or comments that suggest otherwise i think people are more into it's style than content
 — unknown

hi, unks.
thank you for always stopping by.

couldn't agree with you more. it's not
that hard to discern after all, right? btw,
you might've forgotten to scroll up/down
the comments; i'd already given an
explanation to this.

all the pieces i wrote here have a very
solid human[e] foundation and so they
speak of whatever experience --
psychological/physical/emotional --
i'm into.

in this particular case, i'm really needing
a new tent. had a stint for two straight
years in 3 different dome-types and i want
to proceed where i left off.

so that's it.
: )
 — fractalcore

bumpeetee day, everee-one.
; )
 — fractalcore

nice poem-
visually cool
and fun to read...
 — JKWeb

  auto insurance online 4468 life insurance quotes %-[[[
 — unknown

ooh! love it. this place wouldnt be as warm without your lovely posts. thanks. Ed!!
 — unknown