| I [let my right] SUCK DRY
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fractalcore
| wa[l]king allone is good -- | 1 |
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makes you catch up | 2 |
with your Self pretty | 3 |
fast and a-glee | 4 |
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ass the heavy breathe-thing | 5 |
ease un-annoying muse-seek too | 6 |
| |
here | 7 |
| |
at leased to bystanders... | 8 |
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you are the muster of your | 9 |
own rhyme and wreath-them | 10 |
and gut[s] all the time | 11 |
bet-win | 12 |
your | 13 |
tows | 14 |
| |
no mat- | 15 |
tear how | 16 |
stink | 17 |
eeeweee | 18 |
day[s] | 19 |
are | 20 |
... | 21 |
| |
keep | 22 |
a-wa[l]k | 23 |
in -- | 24 |
| |
well | 25 |
come | 26 |
you | 27 |
are | 28 |
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inn | 29 |
do | 30 |
ores | 31 |
... | 32 |
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written in a minute
a minute ago
for the unknown @
http://poetrycritical.net/forum/read/145897/
and for everybody else.
thanks for the inspiration, unk.
Love you all Eternally,
___
__/__
/\
/ \
fractalcore
: )
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26 Apr 08 |
Rated 6.3 (8.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 4, 5, 10, 10
Inactive (2):
(define the words in this poem)
(122 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
ugh!
— unknown
is that all, unky?
: )
— fractalcore
you're up late fractal!
— raskolniikov
i know, rask, as you are.
some interesting unk i ran into
next door. how's things?
nice to [be] here/hear from/with you.
: )
— fractalcore
Please give the stick man a circle for a head.
Regards. Simon Templar
— unknown
i can't sleep, too many words in my head. it's nice to be here though.
— raskolniikov
well, unky, the stickman's name is "sky" or
"heaven" or "Gawd". that's a very lovely offer
for a head but he says, "thUNK YOU [i don't]
need the circle."
: )
— fractalcore
is 'sky' you?
— raskolniikov
raskolniikov sir, you are where you should be.
nice new piece you got there and i must say it's
a bit too wordy.
no wonder, hehe.
: )
— fractalcore
i'll take that as a rhetorical question, rask.
i think the last unk is from Umberto Eco's
"Foucault's Pendulum".
: )
— fractalcore
thank you for the advise, i have executed some of the words as you were right, it was abit too wordy.
— raskolniikov
where in england do you live?
i'm in south london.
— raskolniikov
oh i wish i were in England, rask.
i'm on the other side of the globe
and skipping some needed for the
Nth time.
we will all of us meet someday soon.
i assure you that.
: )
— fractalcore
er, needed sleep, that is.
: )
— fractalcore
for some reason i always thought you lived in england. i apologize for assuming that.
— raskolniikov
no apologies called for, raskolniikov sir.
i've always been fascinated with the British
way of enunciating English. it's my dream to
be able to speak it the way you guys do.
you might wanna teach me sometime.
: )
— fractalcore
ok, sleep well, rask...
watch out for those witches.
: )
— fractalcore
There were some typos, and some random punctuation. I didn't enjoy this at all, though mine is not the only opinion that matters.
~Daisy Jones
— unknown
Also, a lot of this poem seems like random words strung together.
ie:
So if pie cat washes
shadow lovers
eats
mildew
mattress airplane[s]
What the hell is going on in this poem?
~Daisy Jones
— unknown
thanks for reading, ma'am.
the typos are intentional.
: )
— fractalcore
I [let my right] SUCK DRY
fractalcore
wa[l]king alone is good -- 1
makes you catch up 2
with your Self pretty 3
fast and ugly 4
as the heavy breathing 5
is an annoying music to 6
hear 7
at least to bystanders... 8
you are the master of your 9
own rhyme and rhythm 10
and got all the time 11
between 12
your 13
toes 14
no mat- 15
ter how 16
stink 17
eee 18
they 19
are 20
... 21
keep 22
a-wa[l]k 23
in -- 24
well 25
come 26
you 27
are 28
in- 29
doors 30
... 31
: )
— fractalcore
Thanks, it makes much more sense this way. I like it.Not that you need my approval :)
~Daisy Jones
— unknown
er,
wel- 25
come 26
you 27
are 28
in- 29
doors 30
... 31
: )
— fractalcore
your opinion is much appreciated,
Daisy Jones.
: )
— fractalcore
Fractal, I've read a few of your others and you are sooooo much better than this one.
— grneyeddevil
grneyeddevil, thanks for reading this
and the others but on what grounds is
this mediocre compared to the others?
: )
— fractalcore
Read comments on BIRD ON A GUITAR. You are a great and daring poet at times. I just don't think this is one of those times.
— grneyeddevil
welp, in the event that this piece fails
to convey the multitude of messages
it has in store the "I SUCK DRY" sign
upfront will have served its purpose
and i'll have to walk away without my
right shoe.
: )
— fractalcore
and there's a sequel to this ready for posting.
: )
— fractalcore
Take both shoes...you are a good poet! ; )
— grneyeddevil
thanks, grneyeddevil.
but you'll have to be in the right shoe
while i do my full lotus in the next piece.
peace to you.
...namaskar...
: )
— fractalcore
nice :) i like it very much, it is funny and ingenuous, outstanding play with spelling and sounds, and the double meanings, wake/walk.. as for the things said by the poem, surely they are emphasized, plus lovers just love each other. none in the world can be better than being with your lover in my opinion.
— nisetru
Nisetru, did you even read the poem? This is a person walking...BY THEMSELF. Where are you getting the being with their lover out of it? Unless we're talking about self love....which it's certainly not!
— grneyeddevil
thanks, nisetru.
i was just talking straight and plainly
to that unknown in the thread, hence
the poem and its sequel.
i wrote it in a minute so...
be reminded of the title, hehe.
: )
— fractalcore
grneyeddevil: i thought it was a person wa[l]king by himself. waking/walking 'alone' is usually an opposite of 'two, not alone'.
— nisetru
explain?
— grneyeddevil
wa[l]king allone is good -- this is the line where i saw the double meaning, and for some reason, like the heavy breath, the catching up with Self, ease un-annoying muse-seek, master of your rhyme, these made me think this must be about waking up alone, more so than walking, cause of the physical reactions... and the lover thing was a reaction to it is better alone
— nisetru
Ahh. See now thats why I said the misspellings killed this piece. Nisetru, read the thread " i walk a lonely road" on the message board. You'll see the original that fractal wrote.
— grneyeddevil
Sometimes, it's better to be simple in expressing the voice from within. This is one of my 'loneliest' days so I think that makes my mind so dull that I can't even understand the titile of this poem. I'm sorry. Will try to read this again when I'm feeling better, fract.
— happymole
thank you for always taking the time, happymole.
be well, ok?
: )
— fractalcore
unk, i've provided a link in the footnote.
thank you for reading.
: )
— fractalcore
i like this better than the sequel.
: )
— fractalcore
sorry if I have to stupefy your poem...i just need to make ny own version and hopefully, my significant other, who seems to be forgetting about my existence, cares to check this out.
YOU FUCK (then) LIE
living alone is better
makes you realize
you're a shit (like britney)
waste(d) and ugly
as the heavy beating
is annoying my muscles too
here
at least to a boyfriend
you are the maker of your
own rain and wrath then
and cut(s) all the time
between
your
vows
no matress now
still, one day
is yet so far
keep
a wil-
kin's
well
a bum
you
are
even
more
so how do you find my version, fract?
— happymole
very excellent version, happymole.
angsty and speaks about the exact
antithesis of your moniker. people say
all phenomena have a reason behind
them and most anxiety spring from the
failure to accept the facts.
tomorrow is another day and a chance
to start anew. we all have to strive to
keep calm and view life from a lighthearted
perspective.
take good care of yourself.
: )
: )
— fractalcore
that fucking asshole s killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— happymole
hehe
i wrote about treadmilling or rather my girlfriend's treadmilling
— chuckle_s
happymole:
i hope you're okay now.
unk:
are you anxious?
chuckle_s:
good to hear from you, man.
it might've been great to see your
girl on the treadmill. i bet she's
walking the longest extra mile now.
: )
— fractalcore
Hi fract. I'm so sorry for my behavior. I didn't mean to be MEAN to you or to anyone. I'm glad you're calmer than a sleeping gator. :) That won't happen again and I'm ashamed for doing that to your poem (and also to you).
Well, I'm in a good shape now. Nothing can be greater than knowing yourself...which happened to me just today. I just realized that I have to allow myself to be depressed sometimes so I can wake up on the right side of the bed the next day. And I get my strength from depression. Uhm, I dunno if I sound sane to you, but I know now what to do with my angst. Controlling it may be difficult but I found a way to handle it calmly. Thanks to the wonderful gig that I had with my band last night. :)
And I don't think there's a need for me to apologize for my childish behavior (when I poured all my anger on your poem) because you've certainly forgiven my acts even before I apologize. :)
And at least I can rate your poem this time because I have a clearer mind now. :)
— happymole
oh that's ok, happymole.
it's good that my piece here inspired you to write
your angst into poetry. you should post it as soon
as you are allowed to post again.
you know, i did the worse thing -- i've just recently
messed up the comment section of the best poem
of the poet i like here after his piece inspired me to
write a reply of sorts. i dunno, maybe mr. don tetto
should reconfigure the comment box here to allow
a much more free syntax and format executions.
always a pleasure to have you here.
keep well, calm and happy.
: )
— fractalcore
"here" heard three times [t]here, hehe.
shucks.
: )
— fractalcore
yup
— PrudIsDaWay
WTF
— PrudIsDaWay
yup.
PrudIsDaWay.
welcome to PC.
: )
— fractalcore
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