poetry critical

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And
kitkat

And in the end
 1
my plastic heart was your undoing
 2
 
 
And your aim was wanting
 3
when faced with a bulls-eye so small
 4
 
 
And I'll regret I stood so still
 5
and let you shoot off course
 6
 
 
Of course I will.
 7

30 Apr 08

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (2): 8, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(6 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

remove "so small". I like the title. but not the role-playing.
 — DeformedLion

hm, not sure.
I agree with DL, in removing 'so small'.
I do like the first 2 lines very much.
 — jenakajoffer

Wow, you are back, cool.
You made it a few times to the top with The Episcopalian Kind
which is a wonderful poem.
I like the repetition with and
nice poem.
 — sir_I_clan

Love this, I'd think about removing "so small" as well.  Bulls-eye says it all.  Love this still.
 — sherains

This is so good, it leaves me wanting more. If possible please elaborate a bit. As far as "so small" goes, I think it lends itself well. It's like you are not an over emotional person yet you stand still in anticipation of this love you seek. Too bad your lover is a poor marksman.
 — grneyeddevil

an undoing and a plastic heart of regret, leaves me feeling.. empty.  

and yet, there is 'and' to consider.  an 'and' in the beginning, so also an "and in the end"?  life goes on, yes?  

i like it when little poems make me think.  thank you.
 — unknown

god there just so many morons, sheep, and what's another word aaa morans, on this site. Of course you don't change a word here, this a beautiful poem, and you're a Poet.
 — unknown

may you have to write it sooooo small (so the rest of the morans can get the feel of it) I can't believe these comments, this is what happens when idiots get praise, they get empowered and entitled with weapons of stupidity.
 — unknown

Dude, chill the fuck out! People make suggestions here. That's what it about. If you love it so much why am I the only one who's rated it?
 — grneyeddevil

still love this
 — sherains

Thanks all.  Slight edit, although I feel the need to keep 'so small' as I don't know whether bulls eye is enough in itself.
 — kitkat

The love....not superficial, but certainly not beating.
 — unknown

l6
'and' or 'to'? or perhaps neither even.

the closing line does not bring anything here.
 — unknown

of(f) course it does ;-)
 — unknown

incredibly good
 — stout

AND i forgot
to comment
on this
nice read.

: )
 — fractalcore

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