|Where Reality Ends, Dreams Breathe
The Dream Maker visited me last night
as I lay awake on hot sheets,
my fan's breeze blowing lightly over me.
He is not as dark as I imagined;
I ask why my dreams have lately been
of deep water in placid lakes,
why they feel so much like memories.
He smiles, says he grew me there,
rubbed pine resin on my hands,
hoping that I would remember him
by scent in the glaring light of morning.
I tell him I remember
hands in very private places,
his black eyes but not his face,
the damp, green scent of forest
and wetness running up (or down) my legs -
I cannot tell him which.
When he finally graces me with sleep,
we go hunting, swimming out of time,
watching ghostly fish that wave at us
with pale infant hands.
Later, we climb trees that smell of men,
make love in a tangled bed of reeds
that float on a deep and placid lake -
When I try to wake, I find that I cannot;
I am relieved to realize I never did exist.
30 Apr 08
Rated 9 (8.7) by 2 users.
Inactive (9): 5, 6, 6, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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Wow...this completely took me over, drew me in from the very first and definatley didn't let go even at the end. The imagery unfolded in my mind like a painting being made, this is a brand new favorite that I will be reading many times over, thank you for this!
Ok I had to come back to this now that I've read it over a few times, Ls 20-21 are haunting and a little creepy (LOVE it!) and Ls 26-27 give such an exquisit finish I sped through the 5 stages of grief over the fact that I did not write them myself!
Oh, sweet, thank you. Well, come along next time, just close your eyes....
I, too, could relate to this in the most beautiful way(s.) It's very cool actually. Reminds me of something from a Harry Potter scene (in a way.) It's got a Pagan friendliness about it, but it's deeper than that. I can't explain it. I can only say that your writing(s) continue to provide wisdom and mother wit. I like that. Word up, girl!
p.s. water in dreams = the emotional resevoirs of the inner self.
This is great, I agree. One thing: "He is not as dark as I perceived;" (line 4): the use of "perceived" is confusing because it seems to suggest you had seen him before, perceived him as dark, and then seen him again and realized he wasn't so... And yet, there is not much in the beginning to back this up. It isn't until later this is apparent, and it doesn't really do much to support that line. Maybe use "He is not as dark as I imagined" instead.
That's all I can think of. Excellent work :)
Yes, imagined is the right word! Conjured might have worked but that would throw the poem in the direction of me being the one who made him up. Hmm...that's rather like my Bitch Train poem, in a way.
THANK YOU ALL! This is barely off the page!
the title -- well, I really liked the read and Dreams have oft had me -- Pluto was a Dark Dreamer who came with a dark night face and obsidian eyes realized -- this reminds me of this and I believe that is what this poem really does is 'remind' us of this --
I changed the ending - better or worse? From weeping to relieved.
Hmm...yes, I like relieved.
From 'weeping' to 'realize' is a big leap, it changes the entire outcome of the poem for me, but it's still as sweet and mysterious as it was before, just as good on all accounts.
It was to "relieved", not "realized".
Lovely all the same.
Sorry, meant 'relieved'
hahaha! You're having as much trouble with it as I am. The problem is that lots of endings could fit. I could turn out to be the dream weaver or I could be happy to be nothing but illusion. Thanks for keeping on with me as this evolves with everyone's help.
nice. content really gets me. seems rigid and strongly lined. you have a way with rhythm in stanzas, it seems, and that is what helps makes this poem even better. i also like the contemplation behind it. and the description.
The images in this are so good that I can feel them, smell them, and taste them. Excellent to say the least.
Who's the idiot that gave this fine poem a 5 without commenting as to why? It appears the damn cyber-stalkers at at it again. How offensively childish. Crawl back into your hole please!
but i'd wish there werent any spaces between.
the poem reads better without a single pause.
interesting read with wonderful imagery
Spending time just reading/critiquing tonight, I know this is an oldie, but it's one I never read! Very intense, but I feel a little let down at the end. I think it might be better cut off with L25 as the ending. Just a thought! And this has been around for years so it's not as if it needs edits now! <3 Cheers.