poetry critical

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Refrigerator Art

You gave me a box of crayons
for my 35th birthday.
When I told you I am no artist,
you shook your head in sorrow.
“Play,” you urged.
I opened the box, smelled
the familiar scent of wax
that once thrilled me
on Christmas mornings.
I made stick figures for you,
drawn in black and grey.
“Color!” you insisted.
Taking green, I make a vibrant sky,
running red with strawberry-scented rain.
“Picasso is coming from his grave
to shake your hand,” you grin.
Thanking you, I turn away,
take up my pen,
returning to the only art I know,
the one that has its teeth in me.

5 May 08

Rated 10 (6.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (11): 1, 1, 1, 1, 3, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Lovely :)
 — nisetru

I miss coloring...
and this is an adorable poem. It's sweet. I like it.
 — Porcelain_Lo

  Nice write. It reminds me of a post secret I saw once that said something like, "I'm 35 and still look for money in birthday cards" It is innocent and mature simultaneously.
 — TCooks

L15-16, what a surprising compliment

I love the last line
 — goforit

This is nice, Isabelle.  I can totally relate to this.  My refrigerator is covered with pictures drawn by my grandchildren.  I like the way you can take a small moment from the past and turn it into something beautiful.  The last line is fantastic.
 — PaulS

It didn't actually happen, Everyone, but thanks.  haha  I went to a party Sunday where we had to paint a ceramic tile as a gift to the birthday girl.  I loved the party, I hated having to do art because I SUCK at it.  This was inspired by something similar.  I actually bought two huge boxes of Crayola crayons when I was 35.  They are still unopened...
 — Isabelle5

there's something satisfying about a brandnew box of crayons
 — sherains

very very nice.
: )
 — fractalcore

this is terrible. another piece fit for romance novel.
 — unknown

I used to read romance novels.  I have yet to see anything like this.  How about explaining in detail what your crits are?  
 — Isabelle5

this gathers all the glee of having the supportive chide open you wide to many splendoured vistas -- Art is being in tune with Nature -- we all come from Her and so are gifted in many ways -- here you apprised that with teeth the meataphor -- from your memory penned with alacrity and the child urged the ink to become the river
 — AlchemiA

my favourite by you by far.
 — raskolniikov

open those boxed crayons and write with coloured wax and see where the Poem takes you there --
 — AlchemiA

I am humbled by the appreciation.  Thank you.  
 — Isabelle5

Love it!  There's somethin indeed to be said 'bout that Crayola 64 box that's freshly cracked on Christmas morning for so many kids.  It's a beautiful thing!  
Am I losing it or shouldn't the verbs in L's 13, 17 and 18 be in the past tense (made, turned, took?)  :-)
 — starr

Ordinarily, Starr, I'd use the past throughout but I wanted the moment to be one of action - the reason I am drawing and then turning, trying to make it a 'now' moment.  I might be wrong, maybe some other poets will chime in about that.  I know how it sounds in my head but if it's not coming across that way, I need to fix it.  Thank you for honesty!
 — Isabelle5

Ahhh...got'cha.  :-)  Maybe it's just me.  I'm personally finding the present tense to be confusing here, but wait and see if others find it to be this way too before actually changing anything (read GROUP EFFORTS.)  Heehee.  :-)
 — starr

Oh, you like that, don't you?  hahaha  
 — Isabelle5

I do (wink.)
 — starr

wink, as in (read smile)?  
 — Isabelle5

This is lovely Isabelle, Very nice indeed.
Thank you.
 — sir_I_clan

it's okay i guess but it really seems to me that the poem is residing in 13,14 and the rest is just those little shavings that come off when you press down too hard -- perhaps you should brush them aside
 — chuckle_s

For me, when I read a poem and I instantly wish I could have the MOMENTS the poem is depicting, have them for myself, with someone with whom there is some deep appreciation and understanding we share ... how can I not want to eat it up, digest it, and let it linger in my body like a protein, helping to build me as i might never be able to build myself on my own?

And God damn I wish I could write this poignantly and universally.  

So, you sparked some much NOT needed introspection in me here.  Damn.

L13-14 indeed DO stand out as the most breathtaking, take this over the top, but all of the rest magnificently augment EVERYTHING.  Just beautiful.

Oh, I liked it by the way.
 — VeroniCat

Chuckles, I love the honesty you always have in your comments, it's appreciated.  I'm wondering if it's a male/female difference.  Women think more expansively than men, I think.  We like the details, we fill in color, shape, form, while men can be intensely left brained, content with the facts.

I try to write what I like to read, see the scene, clearly and colorfully.  I'll consider what you said but for me, the 'shavings' are important to the picture, it's the framework that holds the piece together.  
 — Isabelle5

i love you too

 — chuckle_s

"I try to write what I like to read"

moi aussi
 — chuckle_s

Too abrupt and too confined.
 — advisingaway