poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Ketaset Cowboy Rides Again(st the grain)
AtomBombJohn

I killed a Ketaset cowboy
 1
and I kissed a Cortisone queen.
 2
When you were strung out on some vision quest
 3
choking on velveteen.
 4
 
 
When I was the mayor of Limbo
 5
You were campaigning in vain.
 6
We were scandalous vandals in cement sandals
 7
hoping it wouldn't rain.
 8
 
 
Tasting your teeth in the twilight
 9
and gnashing mine all the next day.
 10
Forget hectic etiquette let the prerequisite
 11
reckon the lesson away.
 12
 
 
 
 
Either you're pretty weird,
 13
or its weird that you're so pretty.
 14
 
 
                                                
 15
let's give each other goosebumps
 16

5 May 08

Rated 10 (8.3) by 4 users.
Active (4): 5, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (21): 1, 1, 1, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(77 more poems by this author)

(13 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Oh, ABJ, this is hilarious! Lines 7, 11, 13-14 are gobsmackingly memorable. A Western-Medical instant classic. Maybe upper case Cortisone to give her equal status to Ketaset.
 — banditfemme

Good thinking on the cortisone, consider it done!

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm glad you liked it.
 — AtomBombJohn

The last line doesn't work for me. But all else is amazing. I love the style of writing and your use of imagery. Nice poem.
 — Porcelain_Lo

Great imagery, metaphor, and rhythm make this an interesting read.  Love the title also. nice work.
 — PaulS

i like all the lines but |15 is the best.
: )
 — fractalcore

haha yeah, l15 took quite a lot of thought.

actually, I just noticed it was there at all.
 — AtomBombJohn

I absolutely love this poem and fantastic fancy phonetics! Awesome!
 — grneyeddevil

haha, this is is clever and cute.
i loved the cement sandals!
well done.
thanks for the smile.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

I love how witty the first stanza is, the second stanza is hilarious, third is amazingly beautiful.  Oh man.  I really enjoy this.

No so strangely, this gave me goosebumps.  ;D
 — advisingaway

Ogden Nash is smiling upon you from the grave.  :-)
 — starr

my hat is off to you
 — basketballj

intelligent and whimsical
 — addagirl

reading this again I only like it more.  L6, should vain be capitalized as Limbo is, or is her campaigning useless?
 — sherains

Very clever wordplay. It rolls off my tongue as boulders down a hill.
 — sophisticunt

13-16 is great
 — Luxy

ah, this poem really makes me smile.
 — Rozzo

cadence slightly off
 — unknown

haha i know.

thats okay, thank you everyone for the comments. i've been kind of flirting with this site for i guess a few years now. i'd like to get to know everyone.

my name is jack and this is hello.

%@%@
 — AtomBombJohn

i love the way ketaset sounds in my mouth. kind of like the word "tanger" as in anger with a T (name of outlets in lancaster, pa)
 — sunshinesgf

I love the last three lines.
 — stackpop

fucking amazing.
best thing i've read on this site so far.
wow.
 — Sillychild

Jack, they love you--it's gobsmacking
They love you because it's nerve-wracking
They love you because, in your slightly off metre,
you rounded up rhymes like ice cubes on your heater
using a wonderful batch of saltpeter
to melt the snow and send them packing
(back room cigar smokers hacking,
a bunch of grackels out there gracking)
and I can't say I blame them.
Kudos!
 — eric

I found this slightly erotic--not sure why but not going fight it either!  ;)  Love the last line.
 — sybarite

Brilliant, brilliant, but I don't understand what and why for L13 to the finish.
Those lines don't add to the poem, imo.  And the finish line is positively zilch cliche.
why not end it at L12, on the highest note of excitement and  verbal sparkle?
It's really quite good but a mixed bag of nuts.  Very good until the lines turn wormy at L13.  My opinion.  Your call.
 — netskyIam

I've thought about it-- its funny, some people love it but originally those lines weren't part of the poem. It actually became a song and I dropped those lines.
 — AtomBombJohn

i still like this but honestly, lines 13-14 are sooo cliche. they totally ruin the poem for me
 — sunshinesgf

A 10... very good and now a favourite!
 — Champ

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 — unknown

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