|Ketaset Cowboy Rides Again(st the grain)
I killed a Ketaset cowboy
and I kissed a Cortisone queen.
When you were strung out on some vision quest
choking on velveteen.
When I was the mayor of Limbo
You were campaigning in vain.
We were scandalous vandals in cement sandals
hoping it wouldn't rain.
Tasting your teeth in the twilight
and gnashing mine all the next day.
Forget hectic etiquette let the prerequisite
reckon the lesson away.
Either you're pretty weird,
or its weird that you're so pretty.
let's give each other goosebumps
5 May 08
Rated 10 (8.2) by 5 users.
Active (5): 5, 10, 10
Inactive (19): 1, 1, 1, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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Oh, ABJ, this is hilarious! Lines 7, 11, 13-14 are gobsmackingly memorable. A Western-Medical instant classic. Maybe upper case Cortisone to give her equal status to Ketaset.
Good thinking on the cortisone, consider it done!
Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm glad you liked it.
The last line doesn't work for me. But all else is amazing. I love the style of writing and your use of imagery. Nice poem.
Great imagery, metaphor, and rhythm make this an interesting read. Love the title also. nice work.
i like all the lines but |15 is the best.
haha yeah, l15 took quite a lot of thought.
actually, I just noticed it was there at all.
I absolutely love this poem and fantastic fancy phonetics! Awesome!
haha, this is is clever and cute.
i loved the cement sandals!
thanks for the smile.
I love how witty the first stanza is, the second stanza is hilarious, third is amazingly beautiful. Oh man. I really enjoy this.
No so strangely, this gave me goosebumps. ;D
Ogden Nash is smiling upon you from the grave. :-)
my hat is off to you
intelligent and whimsical
reading this again I only like it more. L6, should vain be capitalized as Limbo is, or is her campaigning useless?
Very clever wordplay. It rolls off my tongue as boulders down a hill.
13-16 is great
ah, this poem really makes me smile.
cadence slightly off
haha i know.
thats okay, thank you everyone for the comments. i've been kind of flirting with this site for i guess a few years now. i'd like to get to know everyone.
my name is jack and this is hello.
i love the way ketaset sounds in my mouth. kind of like the word "tanger" as in anger with a T (name of outlets in lancaster, pa)
I love the last three lines.
best thing i've read on this site so far.
Jack, they love you--it's gobsmacking
They love you because it's nerve-wracking
They love you because, in your slightly off metre,
you rounded up rhymes like ice cubes on your heater
using a wonderful batch of saltpeter
to melt the snow and send them packing
(back room cigar smokers hacking,
a bunch of grackels out there gracking)
and I can't say I blame them.
I found this slightly erotic--not sure why but not going fight it either! ;) Love the last line.
Brilliant, brilliant, but I don't understand what and why for L13 to the finish.
Those lines don't add to the poem, imo. And the finish line is positively zilch cliche.
why not end it at L12, on the highest note of excitement and verbal sparkle?
It's really quite good but a mixed bag of nuts. Very good until the lines turn wormy at L13. My opinion. Your call.
I've thought about it-- its funny, some people love it but originally those lines weren't part of the poem. It actually became a song and I dropped those lines.
i still like this but honestly, lines 13-14 are sooo cliche. they totally ruin the poem for me
A 10... very good and now a favourite!