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"Beautiful Pain"
Dreamer89

Such a beautiful pain,
 1
she makes me feel inside.
 2
In what part of my heart,
 3
do these feelings reside?
 4
 
 
Never before,
 5
have I felt something so strong.
 6
But a feeling like this,
 7
could never be wrong.
 8
 
 
A pain like this,
 9
never does any harm.
 10
But deep inside my chest,
 11
it sets off an alarm.
 12
 
 
The heart starts to twist,
 13
in all shapes and forms
 14
As the blood rapidly flows,
 15
I begin to feel warm.
 16
 
 
The warmth turns into a burning,
 17
the burning turns into a fire.
 18
The fire turns into a kindle,
 19
which will forever represent my desire...
 20

12 May 08

Rated 7 (7.7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (4): 5, 6, 7, 10, 10

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Comments:

Very good. I found it sweet and simple and to the point. The rhymes don't sound forced, which is hard to do.
 — unknown

5.5?

So you guys honestly think thats the worth of this poem? Or are there just random people who give bad ratings?..

And thanks :)
 — Dreamer89

I've got to say, I do really like the last 2 stanzas, although maybe you don't need to repeat 'turns into'; 'to' may work just as well... E.g. 'the warmth turns into a burning, the burning to a fire, the fire to a kindle of my eternal desire'... Just a thought or two. Nice work :-)
 — dele

I like the first and last stanza best.
 — Mellows

-- you've captured the feeling of longing -- we all strive to Love, yet stray only to affection ... perhaps we falter lesser still, to whimper in the closeness,
instead of burn in the longing Dream -- Yeah, that is my take on things generally - when Nature has need of some expression sHe urges in surges throughout mankind for a heart made ready from beating wings dipped in tears and laughter and when sHe finds a ready vessel malleable and made pure for this new expression sHe urges by creativity and realized raptures the longing Poem - the Poet is often reflected in that urge as the creator is always part creation and as all things go all things become the Poem and so too is the Poet an urge of Nature expressing in surges - the authentic Poet writes with tears and laughter in such a way that you are the Poet reading it and are, therefore, become an expressed urge of Nature surged - well writ
 — AlchemiA

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