| cocoon
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c_manson
| butterfly | 1 |
flailing crippled wings | 2 |
inside the fist | 3 |
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13 May 08 |
Rated 8 (8.3) by 9 users.
Active (9): 4, 7, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 1
(define the words in this poem)
(2 more poems by this author)
(6 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
beautiful. please consider tossing the comma and 'its" to tighten this bound haiku yet further.
— banditfemme
Ouch... this goes straight to the back of my brain somehow... Really... weird... So powerful though...
— unknown
ooh yes. reading it without sounds so much more powerful. =] i lovee it!
— chelseyjo
nice. gripping.
— listen
bandit, you are so right (changed)
— c_manson
very moving and touching (which is odd for me in haiku because i don't usually love this kind of poem),but that only complaint i have is fly-flail, and how the ells bother my tongue. i'm sure some love that, but i don't particularily.
although the image really works, yeah...i'll just be quiet.
i like butterfly poems.
i like this.
nice work.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
nice haiku- with an edge!
— mr_e
oh, beautiful. seriously. beauty isn't beauty until it's been part destroyed ... according to some theorists anyway. but yeah, very neatly captured, and i love how you've ended on such a short, decisive word: "fist."
— cherylline
you've captured the beauty and the struggle to live with a few well crafted words -- nothing like Loves embrace to change us like the cocoon changes the caterpillar to the butterfly with all it's pleasure and pain -- without the 'fist' to struggle against the wing would not fill with life giving fluid to fly the beauteous creature -- well writ with your invertendo wit and eyes that see reality
— AlchemiA
So small and so ass-kicking. Butterfly hitting #1 Recent Best. Congrats. :-)
— starr
this idea is property of Ted Hughes
i like it, though only cos it smacks of the end part of 'Lineage' by the guy. Google 'Lineage Hughes'- good poem!
— unknown
nice baboon, er cocoon.
: )
— fractalcore
#1 recent best?
thats brilliant!
thanks for the comments all, i'll have to check out a few of your poems very soon!
— c_manson
quite a cliche for me...
— alambre
really short....
— Hidden_words
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