|The Source (with revision)
Paths have a logic as does the scatter:
a random falling that takes in everything
At the source, labial rocks spill into the forest
life inb a rush feeding the lush greens to capture lights golden haze suspended in dark tangles
The mill and the tomb are temples, ancestors
bones commemorating the one essential
nature of all things and how blessed it is to be*a part of so much more than ourself
Logic is a meaningless path, the scatter is
random to the closed mind; here at the source
mind is still, the water is swift and singing
the rock is time and wind carreses all things
with tender intimacy
have a logic
A random fall
that takes in everything
Life gushes forth
where lush greens capture light
among the darkened tangles
An abandoned mill
and the domed tomb
are temples to our dead
one essential nature
of all things and how blessed it is
to bea part of so much more than
is a meaningless path
to the closed mind
at the source
The mind becomes still
is swift and singing
the memories of rocks
as the wind
Would really appreciate advise on second draft; went for winding path to imitate path but really have no idea where to go with it in terms of beautification?
23 May 08
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"takes in everything" is the scatter, and covering everything is the process. so, "takes in everything" implies a consciousness for scatter. then, at the source of scatter, shapes have become motions, and nature, human form, if not in spirit, seems to demand something from us. connecting, retreating, back into human, the source of human is felt to be truly our ancestors. somehow, ancestors and nature are one, because we cannot know nature directly. knowledge, then, is worthless, unless equated with some one person knowledgeable. that one person can sing a song of time and the river flowing, or a remembrance of things past, or passing or to come.
this seems very complete conceptually, but some of the images are a little wordy and forced. it's not a beautiful poem, even though it's talking about beautiful things.
THANKS VERY MUCH FOR COMMENTING jOEY/ IT IS DIRECTLY FROM SRIBBLING AT THE TOP OF A LONG CLIMB AND VERY PLEASING TO ME HOW MUCH YOU HAVE CONNECTED WITH MY VAGUE THOUGHTS/ TO MY MIND THE POEM ONLY BECOMES WHEN IT IS READ AND SO MUCH DEPENDS ON THE READERS PERCEPTION/ AS TO BEAUTIFYING THE POEM i WILL WORK ON THAT/ THANX
this feels like AlchemiA needing a little
always good to be @ the core, eh?
thanks for readinf Fractalcore; would really love feedback on second attempt (I usually feel I lose more than I gain when I edit) Does anyone else feel this?