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The Source (with revision)
unknown

Paths have a logic as does the scatter:
 1
a random falling that takes in everything
 2
 
 
At the source, labial rocks spill into the forest
 3
life inb a rush feeding the lush greens to capture lights golden haze suspended in dark tangles
 4
 
 
The mill and the tomb are temples, ancestors
 5
bones commemorating the one essential
 6
nature of all things and how blessed it is to be*a part of so much more than ourself
 7
 
 
Logic is a meaningless path, the scatter is
 8
random to the closed mind; here at the source
 9
mind is still, the water is swift and singing
 10
the rock is time and wind carreses all things
 11
with tender intimacy
 12
 
 
2nd Draft
 13
 
 
Paths
 14
have a logic
 15
A random fall
 16
that takes in everything
 17
 
 
At
 18
The source
 19
spilling from
 20
labial rock
 21
Life gushes forth
 22
where lush greens capture light
 23
Suspended golden
 24
among the darkened tangles
 25
 
 
An abandoned mill
 26
and the domed tomb
 27
are temples to our dead
 28
Commemorating the
 29
one essential nature
 30
of all things and how blessed it is
 31
to bea part of so much more than
 32
ourself
 33
 
 
Logic
 34
is a meaningless path
 35
The scatter
 36
is meaningless
 37
to the closed mind
 38
Here
 39
at the source
 40
The mind becomes still
 41
the water
 42
is swift and singing
 43
the memories of rocks
 44
as the wind
 45
caresses
 46
my hair
 47

Would really appreciate advise on second draft; went for winding path to imitate path but really have no idea where to go with it in terms of beautification?

23 May 08

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Comments:

"takes in everything" is the scatter, and covering everything is the process. so, "takes in everything" implies a consciousness for scatter. then, at the source of scatter, shapes have become motions, and nature, human form, if not in spirit, seems to demand something from us. connecting, retreating, back into human, the source of human is felt to be truly our ancestors. somehow, ancestors and nature are one, because we cannot know nature directly. knowledge, then, is worthless, unless equated with some one person knowledgeable. that one person can sing a song of time and the river flowing, or a remembrance of things past, or passing or to come.

this seems very complete conceptually, but some of the images are a little wordy and forced. it's not a beautiful poem, even though it's talking about beautiful things.
 — joey

THANKS VERY MUCH FOR COMMENTING jOEY/ IT IS DIRECTLY FROM SRIBBLING AT THE TOP OF A LONG CLIMB AND VERY PLEASING TO ME HOW MUCH YOU HAVE CONNECTED WITH MY VAGUE THOUGHTS/  TO MY MIND THE POEM ONLY BECOMES WHEN IT IS READ AND SO MUCH DEPENDS ON THE READERS PERCEPTION/  AS TO BEAUTIFYING THE POEM i WILL WORK ON THAT/ THANX
 — unknown

this feels like AlchemiA needing a little
tweaking.

always good to be @ the core, eh?
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks for readinf Fractalcore; would really love feedback on second attempt (I usually feel I lose more than I gain when I edit)  Does anyone else feel this?
 — unknown

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