as a woman,
new to the role
i like to put ice
on my nipples.
and pretend that i feel
something. stick things;
fingers, strange men,
into my penis, no-
strange to say,
i have always worn dresses,
now i wear them cut above the knee
and let them sling down to
slut-extremes showing off
my perfect breasts.
men (and women) now stare at me
i feel it,
some new formed perception
curving to my ass and i lean over
in the market and can
feel the pubescent minors
drift my way,
i imagine it makes me wet,
makes me a woman.
like my father always said i was.
25 May 08
Rated 10 (7.2) by 4 users.
Active (4): 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (17): 1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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MY VAGUE EYE, NAH? YEAH.
eye cunt see.
MY VAGUE EYE, NAH? YEAH.
eye kunt see.
MY VAGUE EYE, NAH? YEAH!
eye kunt see!
okay, it's a brand new day.
i dint see dat.
This is actually rather sad, but too blunt for me to really appreciate it. Still, interesting concept - if what I'm getting from it, a sex change, is correct.
i liked this poem, a lot. (for unconventional/uncomfortable subjects, this is really good, one of the best i've read).
L22: i'd love you to say 'supermarket' as it gives a very good image of the stereotypical woman. sounds like it could be from the father's influence as well.
this is good but line 16 "slut-extremes" rethink that. I dont think it works. line 27 is great
perfect. just perfect.
Luxy, I thought "slut-extremes" was one of the best parts of the poem
slippery and very good. A nit: L 23 has a redundancy. Lines 11-12, either toss them, or stretch them: va-gi-na ( counting those deep syllables). Killer last line, which gives the reader a book in seven words.
I like your poem. A lot.
Whoa! LOVE IT! Very self-assured, honest writing, which is what makes poetry Poetry in my opinion. Kinky and well expressed. I especially dig L's 25 & 26. L27 felt a little creepy. Not sure if that was your intent, but overall, a great write. Thanks!
"curving to my ass
as i lean over in the
and feel the pubescent minors
drift my way..."
re-reading, found a suggestion.
i'll go read your new one now.
oh what a glorious poem.
if it makes me salivate, im both a man and a lover of peosy.
It's like taking a lick delish, Luv.
Bless ya, 4 yr poem and yer equipment.
does no one see the underlining sadness here?
Let me know whenyou are next down at our market and I'll mark you out of 10
yes. super duper
monsieur la penis
this leaves me dry, not wet.
This is a really interesting poem. I like the sadness behind it.
This is an interesting poem
A teases social construct
a) I think this is great.
b) I would consider l27, think maybe that is a different poem.
c) If they intertwine, that's cool too.
And that is purely as a poem commenter.