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A Play with Words
unknown

I played with words
 1
but no-one played
 2
with me
 3
 
 
I studied birds
 4
then watched them fly
 5
from tree to tree
 6
 
 
As winter dawned
 7
I mulled in awe each
 8
rising of the sun
 9
 
 
till summer sighs
 10
as little strays rampaged
 11
through my kingdom...
 12
 
 
 
 
In search of space
 13
I travelled back in time;
 14
 
 
A cottage by a loch;
 15
some hills to climb
 16
 
 
Where ears could grow in peace and quiet
 17
and every breath was rarefied
 18
 
 
In search of space
 19
I travelled back in time...
 20
 
 
 
 
To play the fish
 21
to tuneless hum
 22
of "jaws"
 23
 
 
Watch nature flesh
 24
out treats and flash
 25
its claws
 26
 
 
Bear winters
 27
rapt in sunsets'
 28
afterglow
 29
 
 
In dreams, conjoin
 30
with Marilyn
 31
Monroe.
 32

25 May 08

Rated 10 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (2): 8, 10

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Comments:

I'm charmed by the way you've put in words that fit, spelled differently would make a completely different meaning!  I had to read the first verse twice to catch your flow but once I had it, this flowed off the mind's tongue very nicely!

Might there be a way to get rid of the double spacing?  That's the only distraction.  
— Isabelle5         &n bsp;[!]

Heh! "mind's tongue" - like.  THanks a lot, Isabelle. I'll have a think about the spacing. :)
— unknown         &nbs p;[!]

Small edit + title change. Would be interested to know if others felt the double spacing distracting. ta :)
— unknown         &nbs p;[!]

what a tasty piece! I think the form suits the playful content deliciously. And I really enjoyed the luminous surprise ending. The theme of brave solitude is beautifully expressed. My only quibble is with the "jaws" reference, which I consider distracts from your finale. I close my eyes and imagine the whimsical yet
serious choreography. lovely words, yours.
— banditfemme           [!]

Ta very much for encouraging comments, BF. Will have good thunk about jaws. cheers et vive la secretaire du UPR. ;))
— unknown         &nbs p;[!]

a play with words only the heart can hear -- here you've gathered us into your arrhythmical lyrical mind forever voyaging in natural metaphors and l24 to 26 delivers the message well -- to find solace within and in Nature is the plain and simple longing for the peaceful now -- well writ with your allegorical wit in it
— AlchemiA         &nb sp;[!]

Glad you enjoyed 'voyage', Alc. RE - arrhythmical - I suppose because I wrote this I'm able to latch on to a rhythm and was assuming others would too.  Was this a lumpy read for you and perhaps everyone else ?!  Anyways, really pleased you also got some fun out of.  cheers :)
— unknown         &nbs p;[!]

Fractacore - have had to delete and repost this poem in order to get rid off the poems you wrote in its comments section.

I don't like your poetry. It's not to my taste at all. I like it even less when it's spewed out amongst my stuff. I look forward to not seeing any more of it.
 — unknown

oh that's ok, unk.

i had to rewrite the piece from memory and
i'm glad it turned out even better than the
last revised version.

thanks for the inspiration nonetheless.

nice touch on "Marilyn Monroe".
: )
 — fractalcore

I bunged your bumf  on to "45 of 60". Still mad but glad at least you found something to like. Thank you for that.
 — unknown

Alas, that comment put as Isabelle5 was something I put on a different poem.  Some imposter taking my name in vain here.  

I like this, I especially like the cadence throughout, even though you break it a bit now and then.  This is like a poetic necklace, laced by the beat, each tiny bit polished like an individual gem then strung together to make it one lovely piece.  
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle the poet deleted their poem because of fractalcore's spam tactics, but copied the original comments first.Then he reposted the poem, and commented on it by pasting in the original comments from before. It was your comment; no one stole your identity, rest assured!
 — unknown

fractal core doesn't spam, he actually writes poetry to respond to poetry. if this dubious collection of word products repackaged for wall-mart was written by a poet, then that poet would have recognized the gestures and generosity offered by fractal core to our writing. he's a very perceptive reader and works on several levels and can teach us all something.

grow up.
 — joey

interesting observation, unk.
but maybe i really was a she once.
nowadays, it must be too expensive to be one
and i don't have all the time in the world for
beauty regimens.

incidentally, thanks for the gesture, joey,
and to you, too, unky, nonetheless.
: )
 — fractalcore

Isabelle - Thanks a lot. Feels well worth the effort now - made lots of changes since first posted.  BTW unk is right (ta unk). :)

fractalcore - he(h)!

joey + fractalcore -  hehe!

;)
 — unknown

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