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Hyperbolistic
markfelician

Falsely adjectivized,
 1
in the airport of your ideas.
 2
Abusively scrutinized,
 3
by your unforgiving tongue.
 4
Greatly outweighed,
 5
by your self-proclaimed brilliance.
 6
 
 
Hush...
 7
You are in HUGE denial.
 8
 
 
Gravitate towards,
 9
the depths of truth.
 10
And listen to the virginal echoes
 11
of your conscience.
 12
 
 
Maybe then, you'll think twice,
 13
Before getting a man's dignity
 14
tainted with your cleverly fictioned lies.
 15

28 May 08

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7, 8
Inactive (5): 8, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

now you can ditch the "'s here and drive the
point home with a bang. nice moves.
: )
 — fractalcore

got it fract, thanks :]
 — markfelician

yeh gotta agree.. has some nicely and properly worked thought lines...

though line 2 - the airport of your ideas - is a little clunky for me, but I understand where you are coming from (i think ;))
 — Mongrol

oh how i LOVE this,
lines 7,8 are so quietly powerful although 'huge' isn't quite as serious as i would have liked, but then again, i am not sure of a better word right now.

(too many commas...L1,3,5,9,14) and i would remove line 11 altogether.

thanks, really great poem,
jen-
=-)

(
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you Jena, I'm a big fan of yours :)
 — markfelician

though change the precept in line 15 from ..

Of getting a man's dignity

to..

before getting a man's dignity
 — Mongrol

Thank you Mongrol :)
 — markfelician

pleasure ;)
 — Mongrol

hey thanks, ark.
nice to read your poem again.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

u r a grain of sand in a whole beach of garbage,poorly acknowledged.i'll kick u down e sea.feel nth?cos u r rubbish.
 — unknown

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