poetry critical

online poetry workshop


His twin brother was vanity and useless
progression, which he avoided. It was
easy, really, to sidestep being a hurry
wart. His reputation was neat.
But his methods were iffy.
He cheated a lot. Well, he had to,
as it was a lot of work to maintain a
spotless record, music to
Forgery’s ears. He didn’t mind it.
He was spinning in a tape player, as
he would dictate ways to get what he
wanted, by simply looking good, and
stealing. He hoped a fan would come
one day and wind his ways across the
world. Except it didn’t work. The tape
became jammed. Seemed to explode.
Wrap around him, strangle
his own words, refusing to let him go.
On the plus side, people liked looking at
a tarnished icon.
Jagging sound.

5 Jun 08

Rated 9 (7.3) by 2 users.
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i think you have the best character development of anyone i've read.
i love being introduced to these eccentric and extraordinary people (extensions of you perhaps)?
well done, i really enjoyed this.
"hurry wart", haha, that's great.
 — jenakajoffer

thanks Jen. i don't know why i write about people, however imaginary they may be.

extensions? nah, not quite, these people have too many flaws, such things i hope i don't have. (sighs a little.)

anyway, i'm glad you liked. your visits mean a lot to me, i must say. thank you.
 — listen


very nice work, listen.
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks Fractalcore. your kindness is really a great representation of you as a person. i imagine people like you in real life, and with good reason.
 — listen

this is very witty and you have well-chosen words
which befit the setting or circumstance.
: )
 — fractalcore

ahh this gathers the vanity of living the life of fame tarnished by self loathing which choke holds his words and songs -- the survive instead of thrive life is here made livid -- a moral tale well told with a jagging sound
 — AlchemiA

your comments mean a lot to me.

Fractalcore, your positive attitude helps make my day.

AlchemiA, i like how you give your in-depth interpretation.

thank you.
 — listen

great write! i laughed out loud, really ( for "hurry wart").
this is one hell of a poem. this guy seems interesting or is it your writing that makes him. you pick.
i hope people read this. most of them.
 — trochee

by the way, did you get my mail?
 — trochee

thanks Trochee. i'm glad it is interesting; that's always a plus.

an email should be headed your way very soon.
 — listen

i think u personally hold e mania.
 — unknown

starts off so jaunty and then begins to unwind beautifully. I enjoy how you make it accessible for us to hold your quirky characters at a distance and see them as
abstractions. And the narrator is so casual yet possesses just that clever top note of compassion. delicious writing.
 — banditfemme

in all honesty i have no idea why anyone digs this as good writing.

it seems a bit more than average to me.
 — unknown

I wonder if Scotty Vanity would think this is about him if he read it.
 — 6saysaysay9

Banditfemme, i really appreciate all you have to say. your complements mean a lot to me, i assure you. you're kind about everything you say and do. continues to help me write, gives much inspiration.

unknown, sorry the writing isn't up to your standards.

Say, thanks for your comment.
 — listen

I read this one earlier.  I don't think I quite get it, but I like it.  Personification is something that, um, Voltaire did well.  No comment on how you stack up, but you're better than me at it.
 — eric

thanks Eric. glad the personification turned out okay.

however, i'll admit that i wasn't going for personification. thanks for commenting on it though.
 — listen