|The Ocean Picker
Liquefied crystal ran in his veins.
His eyes shimmered with pure iridescence.
His words were pearls, his intentions
clear. He spent his early life on the
Atlantic, cleansing the water, falls of blue
pumping across the waves. He was a
gardener, environmental miracle, his
goal to make bodies of water free of
pollution, let them breathe with the
purest of life, light glinting across the
surfaces. When he was ready he would pick
the loveliest of the aqua flowers, and give
He wanted the world to be like this, water
their growth. He wanted people to glow with
eternal beauty. He wanted people to stop
slitting the wrists of the lakes, turning them
black, giving nothing back.
5 Jun 08
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this has some good moves and the story definitely needs to be heard -- the Ocean is a regulator of Temperature and CO2 too -- she is saturated with this man-made gas and can cleanse no more right now -- she has a temperature so a tempestuous healing crises is imminent -- I liked the water flower imagery in this and the hope
thanks. my stuff tends to be a little depressing. a little bothered by that i set out to write something hopeful. i'm glad you noticed that, and took the message.
listen -- Life is fragile... this you know. So to live for the day is the Awesome way. Live like there is no tomorrow, or yesterday, i.e., neither compelled by the past, 'nor future beckoned you see, free to be whom you ought to be with nothing pushing you or pulling you, neither attracted, 'nor repelled. Freedom from freedom. Serenity in no:w:here... the Divine Fool, the Green Man and your Fisher King with his chalice full of Amirta; juiced, jammed into the vibration...
your insight is really appealing, and inspiring. i appreciate your honesty as well.
depression is a troubling thing to mess with, i do agree. you must be aware of your own talent at writing, as your comments are really well thought out. i like that a lot.
i'm curious to know who i took the crystal idea from.
please tell me. the crystal thing isn't literal though. just a reference. thanks, however.
i'd have integrity if i knew what you were talking about.
"breathe with the purest life"?
i don't know, just a thought.
nice images here. i see a great man, like neptune with electric eels brightening the waters. the crystal blood is perfectly cool
and catches my eye in the ocean's reflection when he bleeds for his creatures.
your title is a sleek hook. I truly enjoy how you weave notions with images, an example of which is: words/pearl/intentions/clear. Strong ending as well. An observation: I'm not sold on the two opening lines. I understand crystal to be solid; hence, it can't run, and I think l2 could be a little more startling. But the narrative is completely engaging; you do what you do with charm and humility.
Banditfemme, very true. i will fix that. also will work on making line two a better catcher.
but i'm glad you liked it. very glad. thanks for reading.
Jen, i'm glad you liked this as well. will put the, i deleted it because "the" ended both of those lines ... however, for clarity i think it is needed. i'm glad you liked this, i say that again because it means a lot to me.
thank you both.
ah ... is liquified crystal a stretch?
liquid crystal -- as the ocean is a briney wave and it is a moving crystal -- all crystals according to aboriginal mythologies are the communication keepers -- they talk -- like the crystals of sand in your CPU and the crystal Brain almost entirely water and salty too -- so liquid crystal works for me --
oh, i like this a lot., too.
thanks for the read.
i'm glad i could supply a good read. thanks for reading, in turn.
wow that was very interesting to read. i like the way you explained it to make it sound pure. well thats what i interpreted. very well written
Onyx, your interpretation is very correct. i'm glad you noticed that.
thank you for reading the poem.