|SHE: Calm And Goo-Goo Gal
played the hillbilly crackin'
crackers on the track --
see, these eyes are wetten,
irises yellowed up.
crooked lines fluctuate,
regain edges, sharpen on the brows;
reckless wanton phantoms
riding Thee, restless Now.
call them, her, Black Beauty;
line my/your gones in a row --
take a shot in the dark;
see the Self glow.
just don't you[,] Miss "Your Self" [?]
after the now-defunct poem @ http://poetrycritical.net/read/48565/
hope to see that poem again
6 Jun 08
Rated 8 (7.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (5): 3, 6, 7, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(204 more poems by this author)
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gobbledygook. will revise my score if ungobbledygook materializes.
I devour lines 3,4,6,711. Original :)
hey unky, how are you today?
no, don't revise your score until you've read
the poem in this. untangle the crook and
thanks for taking the time.
markfelician, thanks for the kind words.
A little self-centered, as a poem. Written so that others will see your 'creative genius,' not your real voice. It feels like a costume party made of words.
you should see the piece that inspired this and
think again. on second thought though, you shall
not as it is nowhere to be found now. this one here
has similarities with the original in syntax -- or at
least the first few words used for that needed
momentum. you've picked up the "Selfish" vibes
in this simply because it is about Life, otherwise
known as the Self...your self and mine.
thank you for giving it a shot.
an apologia of Art respect which echo's the original -- yet retains the fractalisciousness flavour which knows not visciousnes nor slavour -- well done kind and humble Sir you take the slur(ry) and go 'we we we' all the way hOMe
thank so much, Alchemia.
unknown, thanks for stopping by.
Wetten - wettin" Why do you use Thee in line 8? It's so far removed from the rest of the writing that it's like a beacon of Wrong.
I just don't understand this. I have no idea what a gone is or how you line them up in a row, either.
Your footnote is hopefully quite wrong, as the PC I write in is not de-funct. Although, if the calibre of writing continues it's mostly downward drift, it might become so.
i could've written |8 as "riding the restless Now." but
opted for "riding Thee, restless Now." instead which
sounds the same but w/ a different stress.
Thee = rest-less Now = eternal Now
gone = pun for "gun" and the past that we have to let go of
the link is of some poem that sounded like one of justin's.
thanks for dropping by.
Do you want wish with your poem but I beg you, do not call me Izzy!
sorry about that, Isabelle5.
is that the name you prefer?
i used "wetten" in reference to -- i think -- " waiting" that
was in the original and also as a variant to the usual "wet".
oh dear fract,
i was never good at math
or science (except biology) and lately your writing reads like algebra to me.
sorry pal, it's just hurting my head to try and figure it out. i simply cannot comment on your later pieces because i can't interpret the wordplay as i would like to. maybe i am lazy,
maybe i am not word-smart enough,
but when you do write outside of puzzles,
i am very happy to read and comment and give you feedback.
sorry i haven't said much lately,
but i thought i would tell you why.
no worries, jen.
thanks for stopping by.
oh good, I am so glad.
I will be keeping my eye on you though,
waiting for you to turn another corner,
find some romance and perhaps take a philosophy break.
mr. tao of pooh.
see ya later, =-)
oh jenny, i'm very happily involved with a very
lovely girl. i just can't help being myself, hence
the nature of my writing.
sea yah late-her.
in keeping my eye on you
i meant watching your poetry...
in you finding some romance
i meant in your poetry.
i am very happy to hear of your happy
involvement, and it's nice to hear things like that said
about a nice girl such as yours. thanks for sharing that with me.
thanks, jen. everytime i write something
it's as if it were the first time. hopefully,
finding romance won't mean stagnating
at that same corner.
oh you won't stagnate.
look at all the writing you've done!
you are a unique talent, my friend.
keep it up,
that's very encouraging.
no, you shouldn't but it wouldn't hurt if you
accidentally did. dying poor and alone and
shameless, er nameless, is a very nice idea.
this piece is not much really but thanks, DeformedLion.
if life is black beauty, the ghosts, the thoughts, and yourself a sort of misunderstood and alienated by choice simple ways and preoccupations, the glowing must be due to a gunshot against the dark life, so suicide.. very beautifully expressed ideas.
there is also double meanings, can be about a self adoring girl, at least that is what l13 made me think of, which is amusing.. or it can simply be about "hey, just do it, in order to find your true self".
i'm glad this works on many levels for you.
thank you for commenting and please post
another poem already.
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