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remind me
Aziel

turning over a new leaf
 1
this spring
 2
burning bridges
 3
crossing my fingers
 4
singing, always whistling the same tune
 5
 
 
RED BIRDS REMIND ME OF YOU**
 6
(maybe in time you'll want to be mine)
 7
 
 
perhaps
 8
this is all an orgasmic retinal ploy,
 9
stories told in vast lack of proportions
 10
distortions, rather,
 11
for no memory would be complete without it
 12

**you, him, her, he, she it SHIT i keep talking and NOTHING IS COMING OUT

10 Jun 08

Rated 4 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 4, 10, 10

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Comments:

bump
 — Aziel

gay gay gay gay gay.  Someone critique.
 — Aziel

Please critique.
 — Aziel

I can't sit by while you stand over me, watching for something I might undo. So sit down and catch your breath, and maybe I'll stand by you.
 — Cerulise

the first 2 lines are the best of the whole work (if you discount the cliche on |6 and the misuse of "tower" in |2)

otherwise it just degenerates into a child's tantrum of a hiss.
 — Virgil

Have you ever seen an aspen tree?  The roots are taller than the average man at times.

Otherwise, thanks.
 — Aziel

read this.
didnt quite appeal to me.
too verbal.
 — trochee

I really like this. The flow of it feels very natural to me and it makes me feel a bit agitated in the way I get agitated when I'm emotional and slightly overwrought - the words push me on and it makes me personally feel in this poem. Maybe it reminds me of the way I get so caught up in my emotions when I write but you manage not to over do it.
 — smugzy

Edited.  Tell me what you think.
 — Aziel

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