poetry critical

online poetry workshop


He was a habitual cutter,
the barbiturates didn’t seem to
cut it for him. Left him stuck in a
personal barb. But he didn’t let
people know this,
as slicing the wills of others
was his specialty. To him, stealing
money was easy, because it
belonged to someone who was dead.
He ended up slashing a person’s
complete account once, his
misanthropic personality entrapping
fake success—
(Except when it came to
temporary compassion for the family
and their grieving time, his pathetic
kindness radiating through that false,
white smile.) What was odd was
how he could remain monolith, flexible
in falseness and
lithe in deceptive movement. Odd that he
could stay whole even when he was out
cutting peoples’ fortunes in
two. He played dice with fate once,
sliced through his caution and said he
could avoid getting caught, even with
all of the stealing abound.
Fate became his wife. She
turned him in for the self-mutilation,
broke his feeble trust and left
him in slivers in the
hospital cell, the only complete
aspect of his life.
He had cut too deep.

12 Jun 08

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


I don't read poems about cutters, just a personal preference, but I thought this one (what I read of it, anyway) was one of the best I'd seen of that variety.  I think there might be quite a lot of abstract words in this draft--including:  habitual, was, wills, specialty, complete, misanthropic, personality, fake, compassion, pathetic, grieving, kindness, false, falseness, deceptive, fortunes, fate, feeble, complete.
 — eric

i'll see what abstract terms i can get rid of. thank you for pointing them out.

i hope that this poem wasn't just the average cutter poem. glad you read it anyway.

thank you.
 — listen

wow, this is something.
very smooth delivery of a metaphor.
: )
 — fractalcore

thanks Fractalcore. it is always an honor to see you drop by.
 — listen

also, i wish i could write like the way you
did in this particular piece, listen.
: )
 — fractalcore

i think you could. you know what you're doing, there's no doubt about that. i'd be interested to see a piece like that from you.
 — listen

well, maybe i can write it in my own way but what i
meant was this was really you writing in your own
style and that i like your style in this piece very
much and i haven't thought about writing a piece
that works and flows like this, yaknow.

this is more than pretty [and] nice.
: )
 — fractalcore

oh and please give your thoughts on my "Whiny the Pooh..."

your opinion counts. thank you.
: )
 — fractalcore