|that searing truth
i would readily
my sealed eyelids
the truth of day,
hoping for the needle to
my delicate, eager skin
some warm sunlight
to peer through
20 Jun 08
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very interesting i really enjoyed it
This is good Aziel--very strong mtaphorically. The only thing I would change is "so" in line 8. I don't think it's needed.
nice image... is it yours totally? it's worked well: the wording as an object allows just enough light to come through the edges of the phrases.
I sear my steak,
seal in the juice.
I wish this train,
had a sexy calaboose.
changed it, it was unnecessary.
Yes, totally mine.
GOD DAMMIT I WANT STEAK NOW.
oh wow, so you're the one who wrote this?
write on, poet.
Not too shabby, kiddo.
But your eyes should be wary of needles, because you never know which carry ink and which carry thread.
tat's another one you've embedded in our quivering skin -- we get the point -- they make pinhole glasses for viewing the screen and makes things clear again -- this is a little crystal reflecting the light from inside out without a doubt -- nice write Aziel
i really like this depth. Its a beautiful metaphor poem. good word choices.