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that searing truth
Aziel

i would readily
 1
tattoo upon
 2
my sealed eyelids
 3
the truth of day,
 4
hoping for the needle to
 5
pierce
 6
my delicate, eager skin
 7
to allow
 8
some warm sunlight
 9
to peer through
 10

20 Jun 08

Rated 9.5 (8.7) by 4 users.
Active (4): 9, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 6, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

very interesting i really enjoyed it
 — unknown

This is good Aziel--very strong mtaphorically.  The only thing I would change is "so" in line 8. I don't think it's needed.
 — PaulS

nice image... is it yours totally? it's worked well: the wording as an object allows just enough light to come through the edges of the phrases.
 — joey

I sear my steak,
seal in the juice.
I wish this train,
had a sexy calaboose.
 — unknown

Paul--

changed it, it was unnecessary.

Joey--

Yes, totally mine.

Unknown--

GOD DAMMIT I WANT STEAK NOW.
 — Aziel

oh wow, so you're the one who wrote this?
write on, poet.
: )
 — fractalcore

Not too shabby, kiddo.

But your eyes should be wary of needles, because you never know which carry ink and which carry thread.
 — Cerulise

tat's another one you've embedded in our quivering skin -- we get the point -- they make pinhole glasses for viewing the screen and makes things clear again -- this is a little crystal reflecting the light from inside out without a doubt -- nice write Aziel
 — AphroDite

i really like this depth. Its a beautiful metaphor poem. good word choices.
 — silentspring

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