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that searing truth

i would readily
tattoo upon
my sealed eyelids
the truth of day,
hoping for the needle to
my delicate, eager skin
to allow
some warm sunlight
to peer through

20 Jun 08

Rated 9.5 (8.7) by 4 users.
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very interesting i really enjoyed it
 — unknown

This is good Aziel--very strong mtaphorically.  The only thing I would change is "so" in line 8. I don't think it's needed.
 — PaulS

nice image... is it yours totally? it's worked well: the wording as an object allows just enough light to come through the edges of the phrases.
 — joey

I sear my steak,
seal in the juice.
I wish this train,
had a sexy calaboose.
 — unknown


changed it, it was unnecessary.


Yes, totally mine.


 — Aziel

oh wow, so you're the one who wrote this?
write on, poet.
: )
 — fractalcore

Not too shabby, kiddo.

But your eyes should be wary of needles, because you never know which carry ink and which carry thread.
 — Cerulise

tat's another one you've embedded in our quivering skin -- we get the point -- they make pinhole glasses for viewing the screen and makes things clear again -- this is a little crystal reflecting the light from inside out without a doubt -- nice write Aziel
 — AphroDite

i really like this depth. Its a beautiful metaphor poem. good word choices.
 — silentspring