poetry critical

online poetry workshop


gone be ewe
gonna be you
gunned be me
me i
don't hate
you are just
too heavy too bare
you make me
i'm made of hue[s]
it's obvious
ain't i
what-ever you do
i do too
we're even
you and i

written 05/30/08
thanks for the inspiration, outerspace.

not that "outer" really makes a difference there.
: )

25 Jun 08

Rated 10 (7) by 1 users.
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this is fracreation, i love the title!
 — markfelician

thank you, marfelician.
: )
 — fractalcore

Your style is pretty firmly etched out, isn't it? I could definitely tell right away this was a FC piece, as well. But let me answer that writing by writing you this!


going baa, you
groaned by you
gowned by me

me eyes
can't sing

your/e too-heavy-to-read
makes me you

i'm made [con]fused
it's oblivious
ant, I


what tether you
do tether me 2

at odds
you and eyes

 — Cerulise

It's very difficult to emulate FC.
 — Cerulise

that's a pretty nice response, Cerulise.
you can actually fine-tune it a little according
to your inner voice and you can make yourself
visible in your writing.

it's hard for me to emulate myself, too, at times.
thank you so much for reading.

will have to check one of yours.
: )
 — fractalcore

and, um, you'll have to meet our dear outerspace
one of these days.

i'm sure you'll like him.
: )
 — fractalcore

its ok. not my fav
 — pumpkinfetch

pumpkinfetch, thanks for stopping by.

you know, you missed out on a lot of
pumpkins here but that's ok.
: )
 — fractalcore

hey outaSpace went outta here -- just 'feel' your way around with the sound, inwards out without a doubt, 'til it's real -- this has some great lines, like 'i'm made of hue[s]' and the Hu in human is the reverb sound all around, that frequency ride we do when made of hue[s] -- there is a sound that rings true inside me and Hue[s] -- the last strophe is the beloved all over and ever more again
 — AphroDite

yep, let the Om take you on a trip
but don't move either lip.

thanks for the compliments and complements,
AlchemiA aka AphroDite.
: )
 — fractalcore

i wonder where outerspace is now.
yoohoo, dued... how do you like my tribute?
; )
 — fractalcore

read this more than once, and i must say, you have employed your tactic of word manipulation very nicely. and you have a touch of well-thought humor.

 — listen

hi, listen.

know what, i notice that the more serious i am with the
message i'm trying to convey, the funnier it strikes some
people like you. well, it just simply shows your very good
sense of humor then. i only lay little emphasis on the
comic side of things, yaknow.

but what the heck, it's funny if it's funny.
: )
 — fractalcore

funny might be the wrong interpretation; the seriousness behind your craft is definitely there.

i just meant, sometimes your puns strike me as clever, and sometimes you can't help but smile at that cleverness.

that's all i meant. i don't deny the strength behind your words.
 — listen

why thank you.

i sometimes think "peeter pun" would suit
me better as a moniker.

what do you think?
: )
 — fractalcore

no, Fractalcore fits your name better.

that's just me, though.
 — listen

ok, i like it very much, too.

pls keep those gems coming, ok?
got to sleep now.
: )
 — fractalcore

please do the same. i like your poetry. the originality.
 — listen

well, it's just me talking-writing in my writing, listen.
and i've got a lot more to learn from you guys.
: )
 — fractalcore

Sick O Fan Tics Me Off

Hey Frackie Baby,

I wrote a piece full of wit and sarcasm.

wRIGHT in Dis section. Fuckin Stupid site.

Logged me off. It was Lost.

Just like my kids running down some girls leg.

What the Fuck! It was my best Peace yet.

Don't woreE I can and will wRITE a TRYbute.

Fuck...Sheit... I gotta .... sleep..
 — PrudIsDaWay

ey, dude. that's pretty bad.
remember to not forget about the art of
copy-paste next time, ok?

can't wait to see your first post.
thanks for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore