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Don't fuck me spiritually.
Just zip your mouth.
No words like
love, butterflies and souls entwined slip from it.
No more Enya at the background.
No more poem reading after sex.
Just do what needs to be done and
hand me that cigar!

27 Jun 08

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
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I understand where you're going, but don't you think this is a little too easy?  It's got a Bukowski feel, but I think you can punch it up a bit. Good first draft
 — unknown

it is kinda easy cause that's how I wanted it, but I will try to improve it :) thank you
 — markfelician

The title should be "Whore-ible," if the point you're making is just sex but it doesn't actually fit since no pro I've ever heard or read about ever handed out cigs or cigars after!  They don't play Enya in the alley!

I see where you're going but it's not really making a point other than you're a scum dogg who wants an easy lay with no attachments.  Even then, I think you could work a little harder at the poem.  Just too slick somehow.
 — Isabelle5

thank you for your comments Izzy :)
 — markfelician

it's a whore's point of view btw. enya, poem reading and the cigar is present because thats how guy treats her. Absurd I know, but it's not impossible Isabelle.
 — markfelician

This is from the girl's point of view?  I never would have guessed that!  I would think she's want cold cash, not a cigar!  Thanks for explaining.  
 — Isabelle5

why'n't you just do what needs to be done and write a poem instead of a post-it note to the ups guy? -- even if he does look cute in shorts and knows some e.e. cummings.
 — joey

haha thank you Joey
 — markfelician

nice piece, markfelician.

btw, Isabelle5 doesn't wanna be called Izzy.
: )
 — fractalcore

hahaha!  Thank you, Fractalcore!  
 — Isabelle5

Wow.  I'm way off track.  I read that last line and thought, 'Woohoo.  Monica Lewinsky's taken back her power!  Go, you good thing.'  So, for that reason (what it poked in me) I liked it.  

I chat online to this 30 yr old Indian fellow in Dehli who insists he's still a virgin because 'he wait for spiritual relation'.  I ran the idea past him that not all sex needs to be spiritual, sometimes it can simply be fun, and the sweet little bugger says: 'means what?'  Cute.
 — CervusWright

Give me this whore
 — OKcomputer

she's all yours OKcomputer :) i'm sure you can afford her price tag
 — markfelician