poetry critical

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The Hourglass is a Great Metaphor
technomancer

It's a simplification, really
 1
But if I have my way,
 2
your grain will fall first
 3
and mine will stay.
 4

Please see other poems of the same title.

3 Jul 08

Rated 10 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (1): 1, 10

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(27 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

nice metaphor of the grain :)
noticeable is the 'if' there.
 — nisetru

nice poem.
thanks for your comment on my hourglass poem.

here's a few suggests -

a simplification but if
i have my way your
grain will fall flat mine
will stay.
 — unknown

flat?
 — technomancer

HOUR IS A GREAT METAGLASS
fractalcore

10 REM fractals and glass sculptures
20 cls; input "what's your name?"; U$
30 for X = 1 to ∞
40 cls; ? "...you are reality amplified @ the sun's core, "; U$;"..."
50 next X
60 ? "what's your name again?"
 — fractalcore

make that


HOUR IS A GREAT METAGLASS
fractalcore

10 REM fractals and glass sculptures
20 cls; input "what's your name?"; U$
30 for X = 1 to ∞
40 cls; ? "...you are reality amplified @ the sun's core, "; U$;"..."
50 next X
60 ? "what's your name again? : )"


written 07/05/08
http://poetrycritic al.net/read/49461/
thanks, technomancer.
: )
 — fractalcore

I am suspended in a desert counting grains of sand that i let slip through my hands.

Larry living by numbers Lark
 — larrylark

Fractalcore:
What?

Thanks for the 10 whomever :)
 — technomancer

i meant


HOURS IS A GREAT METAGLASS
fractalcore

10 REM fractals and glass sculptures
20 cls; input "what's your name? "U$
30 for X = 1 until keypressed
40 ? "...you are reality amplified @ the sun's core, "; U$;"... ";
50 next X
60 input ? "what's your name again? : )"


written 07/05/08
http://poetrycritic al.net/read/49461/
thanks, technomancer.
: )
 — fractalcore

I lol'd
 — Aziel

pls ignore the "input" in line 60.
hi, technomancer and Aziel.
: )
 — fractalcore

i like this one best!
 — jenakajoffer

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