poetry critical

online poetry workshop



L-oo-k at me Please (you)
section4

Can't explain why I had
 1
to be everything you wanted
 2
me to become without
 3
sounding un-sung lyric-ally
 4
like someone's un-done
 5
romance with being your
 6
mom's best son while
 7
at-tempting to get some;
 8
 
 
Flush before you leave
 9
your pride floating in-candy
 10
-scent-ly for someone
 11
else to poke fun and
 12
treat you like you're
 13
not here to mock their
 14
done while he examines
 15
how to use your broken
 16
spine's drum and
 17
exhale-your-gasped
 18
protests with praise
 19
sung dumb leaving you
 20
half numb but feeling
 21
full-filled after being
 22
screwed under the sun.
 23
 
 
Praise you for making
 24
me a tool in your
 25
life's dreams as I bitter
 26
and tre(m)ble intern-aly
 27
and ex-press myself
 28
to wife and kids with
 29
insecurity; watch me
 30
self-destructibly loathe
 31
me to fullest and love
 32
you unconditionally and
 33
raise my son to please
 34
thee and live terrified
 35
of becoming me.
 36

3 Jul 08

Rated 9 (8.1) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 8, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 4, 5, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

I really enjoyed reading this.
 — technomancer

thanks technomancer
 — section4

x-sell-lent right.
eye halved nah-thing left two say.
: )
 — fractalcore

Ewe right such g(oo)d poetry, (ewe.)
 — starr

thanks fc and starr, always a play-sure to read you comma-mints.
 — section4

nice poem.
 — hank

heard stuff like this outside of highschool. How is this the number 1 recent best...
 — SeanConnery

Cool wordplay.
 — nugunz

Thanks nugunz.

And Sean Connery do you mean highschool or highs-school? Must have heard the same stuff I heard out of high school cause that's when I picked it up.
(that and half my annoyingly immature personality traits) Thanks for reading.
 — section4

Nah.  I'll turn on the local rock station if I want to hear this kind of thing.
 — aurelius

I like these "slam" poems if they're done right and this is done right.  I can see this being read at an open mic night and people diggin' it.
 — JKWeb

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