poetry critical

online poetry workshop



lotion
unknown

During skeptical
 1
moments, he would
 2
press lips into well
 3
lotioned skins until
 4
he found comfort in
 5
the resistance of bone.
 6





orbits of inner space

7 Jul 08

Rated 9 (9.3) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 8, 10

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Comments:

the "they" is maybe ambiguous, and a short-smart poem like this really doesn't work if you have to double-read it for "depth". one solution, but for another poem, might be, "until lips found comfort" -- but that kind of writing is for oprah moments, and barfs the concept... and, here, the concept, as formed by the wording, is pretty good.
 — joey

Slippery slope
 — unknown

break your free falling
 — unknown

BANDIT: ROBBED RABID
fractalcore

naught-tee bone sue-rounding
left eye inn ore-bit gave
no resistance when thee
awe-there ball got snatched
from eats right-full space

left had been since then
skeptic about ev'ry right

bent on tracking ev'ry looter down
guilt as heavy as the drought in skin
brittle with sin without a doubt

law-shun


written 07/13/08
http://poetrycritic al.net/read/49521/
thanks, unknown.
: )
 — fractalcore

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