poetry critical

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i'd gnormally tell you dis [ aillusions ]
fractalcore

green peas in misshapened can:
 1
the peace corps guy's accusations
 2
 
 
i am the speye in the skeye
 3
who doesn't brush his teeth unless
 4
i wasn't meeting the president
 5
 
 
coo through the harp, ooh blues so sharp
 6
rope around wrist on a one-night tryst
 7
jetlagged or cho[w]king on the mow-low
 8
 
 
sunday's still a workday tijuana fever by the river
 9
looking @ a shelled-side non-spirit cajoling
 10
the gold eagle, looking back half-empty
 11
with conversation converted to tortured songs
 12
or broken beer bottle or whine glass
 13
 
 
cubed things sketched by the hands, framed
 14
or in the hands framed: the kew-bing; hands
 15
groping, lost in trail looking for the cave
 16
 
 
the craziest thing you'll ever do
 17
you're weirder than i am i never knew
 18
books in shelves meant for elves kneading growth
 19
out of the box and into it by intuition
 20
 
 
kite in the blue book flown on a delighted stranger's day
 21
light brassieres flying from a horseless half-a-story carriage
 22
petting the goat's hair in the humdrum of the perky cushions
 23
 
 
well, waist-monkey will be mine
 24
                       till it's too dirty to wear around
 25
take its picture before i take it home
 26
                       in my low-cost coconut shirt
 27
 
 
i oversleep drunk and arrive two hours
 28
too late for the gig where pals are wont to gag me
 29
to death, finger pointed in the right direction
 30
 
 
could've sung, played guitar in front of 256 people
 31
but ryan's just a kid and i'll let him know
 32
 
 
i got trouble putting my thoughts in order but
 33
can listen to my rapid eye movement all day
 34
and that's my dirty secret
 35
 
 
amongst countless
 36
others of course
 37




written 07/13/08
http://poetrycritical.net/read/888/
thanks, gnormal.
: )

17 Jul 08

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Comments:

last 3 lines are my favourite.
 — raskolniikov

thanks, rask.
: )
 — fractalcore

i like how you write about the people here, fract.
it's something i really enjoy.

it would be nice if your elves made cookies in a tree.
i didn't follow this completely, but that is nothing new.
nice to read your stuff anyway.

giggles, for saying brassiere.  =-)
 — jenakajoffer

hi, jen. thanks.

these are certain events i've been through -- most of them with
a good friend  -- told in something like that piece by gnormal's
with some of my own personal twists.

it would be nice if i saw elves for real first, hehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

slight changes there.
any thoughts on how i can improve this?
: )
 — fractalcore

is line 3 a reference to an Alan Parson's song?
 — DeformedLion

yep, DeformedLion.

maybe i should call the piece "My Book of Aillusions"
as almost every line/word in it is a reference to something.
: )
 — fractalcore

what do you think of the edits?
: )
 — fractalcore

i like the poem very much
 — nisetru

i'd cut the "it by"...no, i'd cut L20...and put in something new...

but, then again, i don't really 'get' this the way you do. It is quite good though, refreshing even.
 — DeformedLion

fucking awesome title by the way.
 — DeformedLion

nisetru, thank you so much,
: )
 — fractalcore

DeformedLion, thank you, dude.

that line you mentioned is deliberate by the non-rhyme
or otherwise just naturally supposed to be there as it is
directly related to the books.

i like the title, too.
: )
 — fractalcore

anybody else like/hate it?
: )
 — fractalcore

anything anybody?
: )
 — fractalcore

I'd Gnormally Dis(respect everyone)

greenbacks misshape the Man

the peace core dude is you gReAt(P)IST Fan

I am the fATE that diSapATES

your HIGHenic Desires

as our future PREZ expirez


--- Just Kidding Dude still love your work.  
 — PrudIsDaWay

aillusions are what happens in a fashionably pale india when a karl is felled by lager
 — unknown

i gotcha, Prud.

always honored to hear your comments.
; )
 — fractalcore

ey unk, i dunno what you're talking about
but is it about some kind of booze?

easy on it, dude.
: )
 — fractalcore

bump.
: )
 — fractalcore

hmm...
: )
 — fractalcore

I like your writing style a lot.
 — Casiobone
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