poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Primary Colors
Isabelle5

You slide the key
 1
silently into the lock,
 2
hide in the closet
 3
where I find you
 4
after the dishes
 5
are dried and put away.
 6
 
 
You pull me to the bed,
 7
lifting clothes over my head,
 8
kissing what you reveal,
 9
small sounds in your throat
 10
making me crazy.
 11
 
 
Your hands are brown, rough,
 12
my skin white against you,
 13
as if an artist laid us down
 14
on a bed of blue, just to see
 15
how good we’d look together.
 16
 
 
The sun is going down
 17
when you leave, home
 18
to see your children and
 19
the woman you always told me
 20
was your ex.
 21

17 Jul 08

Rated 9 (8.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 10
Inactive (6): 5, 6, 8, 9, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(501 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Beautiful & sexy / sad & poignant - I love!
 — the_lost_one

Yep.  "beautiful & sexy / sad & poignant" - I love 2!
 — starr

thank you.
 — Isabelle5

I like it, but I'm not sure about the last few lines.  The rest of the poem goes you me you me you me, and the end goes you you you you you. Which I can see why of course given, the subject matter, but it seems to set off the flow a little.
 — Ananke

primary colors is a silly title. it makes me think of a box of crayons.
 — unknown

erotic, beatyful, you
 — Odin

FABULOUS.  Stunning.  
I feel this.  It resonates.  Great job!
ONE SUGGESTION:  The last stanza, line 18 remove the comma and "home"
it becomes:
when you leave
to see your children and the (move the "and the  up to the preceding line)
woman you
always told me was your ex.
Nice stuff, IMC.  You've still got "it"!!!!!!!!
 — aforbing

nice poem.
: )
 — fractalcore

0.228s