poetry critical

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Lotus
ill_at_ease

Folding in upon itself
 1
Softly, whisper coming out,
 2
high shelf residency.
 3
Picked ripened consumed
 4
a piece of me for all of you.
 5
 
 
Tapping rapidly upon the gash.
 6
Shallow diving upper crust,
 7
flamboyant mince kettle
 8
boils over the bottom.
 9
 
 
Hole held imaginary.
 10
Forgetting fleeting fornication,
 11
comes slowly, cup
 12
filled halfway house
 13
pitch your mind bent
 14
mid air-fiving
 15
for pretty persuasions
 16
lost.
 17

23 Jul 08

Rated 9.5 (8.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (1): 7, 9

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Comments:

this is an interesting choice
your title-
i enjoyed your words in line four and five.  
 — Liliana

wonderful.
: )
 — fractalcore

this has some nice moves -- unexpected turns of phrases -- the happenstance of meaning in the words your gleaning for us here, brings you near, dear
 — AlchemiA

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